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[restitui]

XIV

TEMPERANCE

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[meforsaken]

hmmmm personally? i'd like to experiment with what death means here. what consequences are there for killing others? is there an afterlife? what does this mean for the magic of this realm?

but with potential AU lokis, who's to say!
if i kept going back in time for example, i probably would have attempted a coup, maybe start a war, try to steal the powers of others here so i could ascend to a higher plane.... etc supervillain plans you get the idea

[restitui]

Is there a death here if people just come back?
I know it's different from what I've experienced.
No one on the ship technically died, ever, even if it felt like it.

[ but they definitely die here ]

i don't know about others, but he definitely didn't seem like that type.
it seemed like he just wanted to enjoy the moment at least?
but i think you know that

[meforsaken]

that's precisely what i want to explore! and to see how it might apply to our fallen court rulers.

i do indeed know that, considering i was the one who lived it.
he's probably the least worrisome of the bunch
there's an alternate future spanning from that same point in time, though. that one grows up to be the king of a war-torn midgard
(but tbh he's just as much of a softie! men will literally destroy the world rather than go to therapy!)

[restitui]

you'll have to forgive me if i don't volunteer to help
i'll be super duper in trouble if i do something stupidly self-sacrifical in the name of science


i didn't want to assume
that you remember, but i guess you wouldn't text if you didn't.
it sounds like you have had all kinds of lives
how do you deal with it?

[meforsaken]

wiccan wasn't interested in volunteering either u_u
(i actually just told him to keep it in mind if he ever dies again)

i try to accept them all as the parts that make up who i am.

when i was younger, i wanted to overwrite all the bad in my life, thinking i could just copy-paste something good over it. that was the version you met.

and when i was even younger than that, i ignored the good in me. i ignored my doubts. i even ignored my joys. ("oh i'm only a woman when it's useful i hate being in that form" of course you do dear. that's why you keep going back to it even when it's completely unnecessary!)

nowadays, i accept that different stories might need different lokis. it helps to have that degree of separation, like i'm an actor in a play.

[restitui]

can't imagine why 🙄

he wanted me to believe he was more bad than he was


[ and he wouldn't believe that of him. of anyone. very few people are entirelyall bad ]


i hope you don't think it's a platitude that i'm happy to hear you've... kind of figured yourself out?
i know how hard that is
and the accepting the parts of you are you. all of it.

[meforsaken]

he wanted to punish himself constantly. poor fool wouldn't even let himself enjoy a party with his friends. he worried whether he could even call them that.

i'm quite happy myself, which i know my past self struggled to process. he wondered why i "gave up" on my plan to become good.

the timeline where i go crazy and destroy the world? is the timeline where i accomplish everything i set out to do. it took years, but i undid every single one of my evil deeds. i saved the world time and time again. i was good. i was a hero. i even came clean to my brother about what happened to the loki i had killed.

i changed. and it didn't matter.

they all still laughed and called me the god of lies.

so, you know! heroic deeds, not all they're cracked up to be!

[restitui]

i'm sorry
that's not fair to you
or him
or to any of you.

[meforsaken]

no, it's not.
but it is a good story.

are you willing to tell me more of yours?

[restitui]

i don't want to believe in a story that doesn't value its actors

which parts?

[meforsaken]

and it is annoying to be typecast.

why not start with your family? as a magpie, i can't help but be curious.

[restitui]

not to be difficult

but i have to ask which ones?
since that's a complicated answer.
i can only imagine you're more interested in the ones that follow your stories?

[meforsaken]

no, the ones i don't know! the ones who all name themselves after birds!

[restitui]

oh those ones are easy
but you could have me here all day

ftr they're considered a Family i mentioned it before but it's not quite the same as a family? they're uh an organization
the family name is unholy disorder and they mostly deal in, like, hospitality and definitely crime
their whole thing is about freedom and living by your own rules. that people should be able to just live what lives they want?

but i wouldn't call the organization family. just Family.

the ones on the boat are different?

i have a sister named dove. we're not related, we were found together when we washed up from the ocean and stayed together.
forte's the only one on the ship without a bird name. he's a rockstar who hates being told what to do and comes off really cool, but he's actually super bashful and sweet.
goose is our lovable murder goose. he threatens to eat people all the time and he would, but he doesn't because he loves us more than he'll admit. he likes to tell me all the time that i was born to protect people and be a hero (i still think he's wrong) he was the first one to call us all family.
heron is cool? he's a little older than me and is super into skateboarding. he actually has a younger brother named magpie that fell into a coma.
loon is, like, super old. especially for people on the ship. and he likes to complain all the time and isn't very good at feelings, but he did offer to adopt me a random kid he knew for a week so i didn't have to go back to my disorder guardians
duck's been in a coma for a while too, but he looks super scary and would not be someone i'd want to face in a fight... but he was also constantly thinking of things he could do for others, because he thought he needed to prove his worth. he also just cared that much.

there's more, but i didn't really get to know them that well before they fell into comas and stuff.
that's just the disorder though


also sorry i rambled, but you asked.

[meforsaken]

don't apologize, it's what i asked of you.
i'll keep their names and their stories safe, if you ever happen to forget.

what's the deal with the boat? and the comas?

[restitui]

thank you


that's the part we're still trying to figure out?

the d.v. dreamdrift is supposed to be this well-known cruise ship that anyone would be honored to board.
you hear only great things and that whatever happens on it, the people bring back fortune for their families or something like that.
they paid my disorder guardians a lot of money for me and dove, i guess.
but no one ACTUALLY knows what's happening there on shore?
like if we try to explain it, they'll just be all "oh that's nice sweetie".


because every person actually invited to the ship is brought by force magically and you can't escape
if you even think about it you trigger something.
we're called "performers" and we're supposed to take part in performances.
they're also not optional.
because the showmaster and ticketmaster want to see a story through?

if you're next question is "why us?"
🤷‍♂️
the showmaster said we're all Legends
and that as Legends we can't die
but it doesn't make sense since there's also Legends that are gods
i think the part where we're regaining past lives is also part of it
and someone said we weren't "scripted" like others one, like the people on land.

the showmaster once said that if we went back to land we might find our loved ones all asleep
but it's happening on boat, i think because they're not strong enough?
we don't have the explanation there.

[meforsaken]

seems like the sort of plot i'd orchestrate.
my theory for this realm has long been that we're merely the fae's playthings, that they've brought us here for their entertainment.
i suppose your captors are more up front.

do you like it here? i know you're apart from those you care for, but putting that aside.

[restitui]

we're definitely for their entertainment here.
i don't remember everything that he - the other me - experienced but i understand a lot of the notes?
they want people to be used as tools and amusement and who they are doesn't matter.

i like not being stuck on a ship and being able to sit in grass
but imo this is just another cage that feels more hopeless
stuff on the ship might suck a lot of the time i might have to worry if we accidentally kill my boyfriend or something
but it feels like we can do more about it, that we can end the story
and i want to see that through and plan really stupid dinner parties and own fifty pets with said boyfriend.

so i cant say i like it here
i dont feel like i belong and i know the other me doesnt want to be here either

[meforsaken]

if you do return to the ship, with your memories of this realm intact
what will you tell your boyfriend about me :3c

[restitui]

technically is was you but wasn't you, right?

idk
something like we were nothing more than a fleeting summer day?
or
that there was someone who needed to be seen and heard and loved for who they could be even for a moment



or also how it feels from my perspective,
i feel like i've been in a six month long performance and if i try to play along to the "role" they've given me, i can get back?
(which is not saying i said anything as a lie, i didn't)

[meforsaken]

odin's beard, i was joking. no need to get all mushy!

just for that, i am going to flirt with your mom so hard if she returns to this realm.

[restitui]

good thing i don't really super see her as a mom

(:
this is why you don't challenge an empath based telepath who's real superpower is emotional terrorism

[meforsaken]

i suffer every day for what. girlish whimsy?

[restitui]

i hope you weren't expecting another answer then:
yes

[meforsaken]

your family vexes me so, phoenix.

but for the record, there is no part of the loki that you met that isn't me. i've just grown since then. i'm not a different person.