restitui | limelight

yeah ofc always
do you want me to come over there?
or i know stuff is a lot there rn
disorder or somewhere else?

i can come meet you unless you want to get out of your suite for a little bit
in which case the lounge works
either/or

no disorder's fine
the lounge is busy with everyone playing bingo rn
i can meet you there in a minute?

oh yeah that makes sense
ok see you soon

see you soon

[ and a few moments later approaching from the lounge with a new book in hand is phoenix. still slightly worriedly, but he'll smile upon seeing him: ]

Hey.

[giving a little wave and a small smile]

Hey. How're you holding up?

[ shoves the book into his pocket to open the door pausing briefly to offer a touch playfully: ]

Is ehhhhh also a solidly good answer?

Also, will rabbits help?

Ehhhhh is definitely an acceptable answer, and I will never say no to rabbits.

[heading in after him]

Good, because I think they missed you.

[ reaches for his hand to guide him not to his room but the rabbits room, since he keeps them both together. shutting the door once they're in there. ]

We'll have to sit on the floor, but something tells me you're okay with them climbing on you.

[ said as he goes to sit down ]

I will accept both the floor and the rabbits.

[coming to sit next to him]

[ smiles a little bit as speedy immediately noses over to come sit with gingham ]

[ hesitatesa moment before asking: ]

... so wanna talk about it? Outloud or... however's easier.

[pets bnuuy immediately]

...I do, yeah. Do you? I mean - you can go first, or I can, or... Whatever you want.

[ shakes his head and shifts a little to pick up hoppy. ]

Yeah, I do. I kind of think I know what went wrong with mine, so that can wait — I want to hear you, first, if that's okay?

Of course it is.

[pauses for a moment to find the right words]

I guess - I thought I was giving up one thing, but it turned out to be another? And I think I know what went wrong with mine, too, but... If I'm right about it, it really scares me.

[ offers him his hand and gives a short nod, ]

What do you think went wrong?

So... I offered up my memories, right? And I thought that meant I'd just be, like, a blank slate. But I still remembered, I just didn't feel the same way about those memories. And I think I might know why.

Yeah, that's what we assumed would happen. [ and it didn't, which is why he tilts his head ] What's your theory?

Satin said something like... If I couldn't remember my life, who would I be? Who'd be remembering if there isn't supposed to be anything to remember?

I know I've been pretty set on how our vision selves are, like, past lives, and we're probably reincarnated from that, but - what if I was wrong? What if mine has been here the entire time, watching, and the only time he's been able to come out is when I didn't remember anything, so I didn't exist in the same way? Like - I can't think of any other way it makes sense that I chose to forget, but someone was there still remembering, but secondhand.

[ quiet a moment as he thinks about it and then: ]

... so do you think there is a 'you' that is Gingham and a you that is - [ He knows the name, he could say it, he doesn't -] you know? Together right now, I mean?

...That's what I'm afraid of, but - I think it might be right. Because if there was someone left to remember when I couldn't... Who else would it be?

It would be him.

[ agreed quiet and unflinching, ]

And are you afraid because of what it might mean for you and him? Who you're supposed to be, I mean?

I'm just worried about, like... If I was wrong and it's not that he's someone I used to be? Like, if he's still here and can only really exist when I'm not doing that.

[pausing for a second, taking a breath]

This is going to sound really existential, but if that's the case - if I'm present and conscious all the time now that my version of the memories are back, does that just mean I'm actively taking that away from someone else?

... so you're more worried your existence is taking away from his.

[ he squeezes his hand, looks away, ]

Maybe it's not quite the same so it can't fully help and it's probably not the answer you're looking for, but did I ever explain what I meant that part of me had to be both Billy and William?

I'm not sure, but... I wouldn't mind hearing it.

[ He nods and shifts back a little to figure out how to say it. ]

That's because when they died, William didn't just disappear. Who - which one am I? Wouldn't have been such a big conflict ifo ne was gone and the other wasn't. They were both still parts of him even if it felt like William was... quieter. Part of the journey was finding a way to come together as one? Coming into magick wouldn't have happened at all without it.

[ A beat. ]

Which is why I don't think you're wrong - and I don't think you're right either. You both exist. Gingham and Rupert are as much two different people as they are one and maybe it's - the next part of the journey is finding out how to make the two of you really coexist?

But you shouldn't spend cycles wondering if you being here is wrong or hurting him. You deserve to exist, too. And I don't think it's just me saying that.

Edited (sorry for the late edit i decided i didn't like how it was directed but please lemme know if it needs changes. or if you want his true name taken out) 2025-08-07 16:49 (UTC)

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