restitui | limelight

Weird as in I need to stop thinking as it in: I have magick and more like I am magick.

So... What happened when you tried to give it up?

[ can he just ]

[

]

Edited 2025-08-09 23:12 (UTC)

... my theory is that getting rid of magick, which part of the me in visions was born from, also got rid of the part of me that was "Billy". But the parts that are William and Phoenix were still here, so I could still kind of function?

Edited 2025-08-09 23:17 (UTC)

Sort of function isn't a great baseline... How are you feeling about it now, though?

I'm fine now. My powers came back right before bingo started.

[ but that's not what he means so he shrugs, ]

Complicated? It means I can't get rid of them if I wanted to. Not yet.

I know you weren't 100% on getting rid of them in the first place, but... Does it bother you, knowing that you couldn't even if you wanted to?

[ For a moment, he looks like he might not respond. ]

... Yeah, I mean Goose keeps trying to convince me that I was born to be a hero and a protector. Then the others, they said I could use it to help others and I tried believing that but -

Then I learned what really happened on the Road and I don't want to repeat it and I'm not entirely sure I could control it.

...That must be really scary. Or at least - I'd be really scared, in that position. But if you could find a way to control it, would you want to keep it?

[ Fidgets. ]

I don't know? If I could help people then yeah, I'd want to help people, but also I'd really like to be just normal for a bit. That sounds stupid - But at least for now I need to practice with it every day and it's why I got this -

[ He pulls a book from his pocket and sets it on the ground, ] And I'll figure it out. It'll be okay.

[moving to take his hand]

...If this is making you uncomfortable, we don't have to talk about it right now, you know? But I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to have to deal with them at all. You can help people with or without your magic. You've helped me a lot without using it.

[ squeezes his hand ]

I wish I could help more.

[ but after a moment he shakes his head. ]

It's just something we've talked about before and I know it's different because it's not like I had confirmation or know how important it was to my existence or whatever - but it's not something I want to get stuck on more than I have. You and everyone else don't deserve that.

Edited 2025-08-11 22:53 (UTC)

I think you help a lot more than you know.

[squeezes his hand in turn]

And - okay, I'm not going to say you should be stuck on it or anything, but if it's still bothering you, don't feel like you can't talk about it just so I don't worry.

[ offers a small smile, ]

It is going to bother me, but I've got you and a few other people who will help. And at least I know what could happen.

Besides, you're definitely going to worry just like I'm going to worry about you.

[after a pause]

You know you can tell me anything, right?

I know and I do try to tell you most everything, especially now. Not that I didn't try to before and maybe you don't know everything -`

Why do you ask?

[after a moment]

Sorry, I don't mean to push or anything. I just want to make sure you know. And that, you know - if there's something you'd rather not talk about, you can say that, too.

I don't think you're pushing. And I do want to talk about it more sometime, but for now it's okay? I don't want to think about it more right now. I just -

Want a few moments with you, if that's okay?

[ It's not a lie, even if there is some worried thoughts about it still that scatter before he adds - ]

I did need to tell you something, though. Now or later.

[nods, after a moment]

If you want a little while without having to think about anything big, I can definitely do that. But if you want to tell me whatever it is now, that's totally fine, too. Up to you.

It's not big. I mean, it's not existential crisis big and I'd rather tell you sooner than later.

[ but worry!!! ]

Snow kissed me for a bingo square.

It was hardly a second and I didn't return it or anything, but it was needed to finish the card? You weren't around and I wanted to make sure to get this - [ his finger taps the spellbook's cover before he exhales finally: ] Sorry.

Oh.

[a little bit surprised, but only because that's not really what he was expecting - he doesn't seem upset or offended]

That's okay. I know how important it must have been to you to get that back, so if I wasn't around to help and there wasn't another option for the bingo - I don't mind.

It was and I figured you'd agree since it's... like, the only material I know of to learn to control any of it.

[ coloring a touch sheepishly and guiltily ]

Which probably came off so left field, I'm so stupid. [ It is less self-deprecating and more like the oh I'm a dumbass ] But it was only the once and I turned everyone else away and I'd much rather be kissing you, for the record. If that needed recording.

But yeah, that happened, and hopefully it'll help. The book, I mean. We can move on now to other big thoughts or small thoughts.

[ sorry he's embarrassing edit, ]

Edited 2025-08-12 03:50 (UTC)

You are like the least stupid person I know, promise. And I think it's been, um - pretty recorded.

[going a little red as well, but!!]

Actually - while we're on that subject... We totally don't have to right now if you would rather have a little bit of time to relax instead, but I have some vision items I haven't watched yet, if you wanted to go through those with me.

[ huffs a laugh and he might have said something more but he straightens a little at that, ]

Yeah. Of course. If you're up for it - I want to be there for you. [ ... ] And I have the bingo one, if you want to be there for it or hear about the other.

But yours definitely come first.

Of course I want to be there for it.

[giving him an appreciative smile]

They're both in my room - do you want to head over?

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