[ okay well they got them there. which is why he sort of shrugs]
[ he's not sure he can say he could reject the apartment/business since it was a deal with a court ruler either but that's neither here nor there when he breahtes out, ]
As I said. It seems like this ordeal was good for you.
[They begin to pace around the apartment, like they've got some energy they need to get out.]
I lucked out as well. Although to be fair, I did put a few cautionary measures in place. I promised my Leaf lots of gossip so long as it hid from me if I took on the form of a child.
[This was after Kid Loki's network post, obviously. And Loki didn't really care if that version of them saw all their messages, the concern was for any of their actually younger selves.]
[ He doesn't feel as sure as Loki does, but that's because his replacement issues are currently still amplified so he decides to say anything on that. ]
[ Notably, Loki's restless energy may help them notice the package already settled on the table. ]
He's nice. More subdued than I am, which you might think is an easy bar to clear but I'd say I'm about average as far as Lokis go. I believe I told you, or I told Phoenix at least, but I'm much calmer compared to the other branch of my timeline.
[The other future Loki once travelled back in time to his father's boyhood and blew up a dragon with a bazooka.
So.
Loki stops suddenly and grabs the package, grinning.]
A knife would be considered a very thoughtful present in Asgard. Jotunheim too, for that matter.
[They unwrap it carefully, perhaps because of the heft, perhaps because of the knife joke, and perhaps because their younger self thought they would tear into it. They enjoy proving themselves wrong.]
It would be a very thoughtful gift to some members of the Disorder, too.
[ And when they unwrap it it's a kni-No, he's not that kind of Disorder despite Goose's attempts. ]
[ There are actually several things in the package, so they might to put one down for a moment or two. The bottom two are journals. The third item, resting atop the journals, is well made but isn't particularly overly done a light creamy green long-sleeved shirt. It's got dark green and gold markings engraved on it, reminiscent to the ones on the cloak. Simple, nice - it could be paired well with the cloak (as if he already thought ahead to the fact this Loki would decide the cloak was for them, because it was true - they're all Loki's. There is no Phoenix stitched into the inside of the shirt, but if they look close enough they might find a tiny winged bunny instead - no magic involved. ]
[ And, of course, the fourth item is a note. As promised it's significantly shorter than the one Phoenix had left the younger Loki. It reads as follows: ]
A Storyteller tells stories. That's what the Showmaster told me. You'd make a good Producer, are you sure you don't want to be one? That's what the Ticketmaster told me.
If I'm being honest with myself, especially being here, I don't think there's anywhere to go back to. Estoria sounds a lot like story, right? Someone suggested that we were just knock-off versions of ourselves, fanfiction.
I feel pretty alive right now and I don't feel like my life was a lie. If magick is about possibilities and I already brought myself back once, why can't I do it again?
I thought you'd find it interesting to hear at least. So, if I'm supposed to be a Storyteller than these are the stories I have to tell. You can throw them away or keep them, but at least I can say I left them. And who better to entrust them to?
Sorry, that I'm not quite over being afraid of what things might mean either. If the possibility is there, I'm going to find a way to hurt as few people as possible. Always.
Thank you, for everything. Again. Phoenix
[ WAIT I FORGOT WHAT'S IN THE ACTUAL JOURNALS. If Loki looks at the journal, there's two. One is Phoenix's story - specifically, an overview of life in Estoria and things he remembers. The second is actual stories, stories he wrote for the Showmaster to keep her company. If you want deets I'll give them. ]
[Loki takes the shirt in their hands, and then poof, it's on their body, replacing their other shirt and coat combo. It's a quick motion, especially when compared to how they used to use their magic.]
It's lovely, [they say with a tilt of their head and a gentle smile.
And while they're tempted to start going through the journals, they pick up the note first and read through it. They can almost picture Phoenix writing it, the comic panels forming in their mind. When they're done, they tuck the note into one of the journals, like a makeshift bookmark.]
I've got a lot of reading ahead of me, huh. Should help, whenever I'm itching to return to my own story.
[Loki lets out a sigh, and then chuckles lightly, remembering their younger self's comments about their under-eye circles. Part of the change in their appearance is a commitment towards an aesthetic, remembering what a lie is. A story told around a fire, folktales given life by their audience. Another part of it is just that they're tired.]
It's exhausting growing older. Ozma's more powerful than Tip, but she has so many more responsibilities too. I always thought it would be easier were I more selfless, and it's really not.
[ At the very least, this gift is given so much easier than the last. Still, Billy does not yet look at them until they move. Until the magic changes clothes and he smiles a little. ]
[ ( This was a piece he had a part in, the rest he had not). Phoenix hadn't been entirely sure about the journals and neither was he, but none of it is his story to give (or is it?). Not that there isn't a copy put away. He tilts his head a little in turn before shaking it- ] You can take your time, two years really isn't that long, right?
[ But the journals are filled, one more than the other. ]
It depends. Two years for one person might feel like a lifetime, for another it's a blink of the eye.
[Loki's experienced both themselves, and they have an idea of which one Phoenix leans towards.]
I mentioned it in passing before, but I might as well own up to it completely now. You were right about me, to an extent. I'm a decent person when it comes down to it, some might even use the word good.
Shortly after I was reborn, I planned to leave the multiverse behind. Free myself from the narrative's control completely and find out what's beyond. Instead, I took a vow. To save everyone, not just myself. It's not exactly something I'm advertising in regards to being the God of Stories, especially considering it's helpful if I'm viewed as a villain from time to time. I doubt anyone would believe me either, that Loki's really and truly dedicated their existence to helping others, but... I thought you might like to know.
[ Billy doesn't need to question it either because he knows the answer. It's the same one for him, after all, because his own is three years (no, nearly four now with here). ]
[ He doesn't expect Loki to continue or to continue the way they do. Maybe he doesn't know the exact content of the letter, but he knows the feelings of it. The heart and defiance they both feel. There's a lot to unpack, so many layers. ]
[ After a moment, he smiles just a little: ]
I'm rarely wrong about people with that kind of thing.
[ It's not a dismissal, it's not quite teasing either even if the lilt of it is there. Billy has always tried to see people for who they are or could be - the empath, telepath, and whatever subconscious things he sees has made him more attune to it. Still. The light remark is not what he wants to say. ]
Thank you - for telling me. I won't tell anyone. [ The quiet note of: what's another secret. He pauses. ] Do you feel - [ regret? happier? lonelier? ] satisfied?
[ It's not quite the word he's looking for when there's too many words he wants to use, but it has to do. ]
Don't get too excited now. I did still murder my brother and erased him and all of Asgard from Midgardian history and memory.
[They just did it for good reasons instead of evil ones! Although Loki's definition of good might still be questionable...
Loki watches as the other words flash across Billy's expression, unspoken. Or maybe they're reading the words from a text box above his head. Either way,]
I do.
[Feel satisfied. They're telling a good story.
Feel regret. Thor trusted them up until the very end. The shock in his eyes as they literally stabbed him in the back...
(And selfishly still, they wonder what it would have been like if they abandoned the multiverse.)
Feel happier. They feel much more like themselves these days. And sometimes, being a villain is incredibly fun. Being a hero is fun too, so they dabble in both.
Feel lonelier. No one sees things the way they do. They told Thor from the very beginning that they would be the one to kill him, and he didn't believe them. Only the Norns know whether he'll understand their reasoning once his memories return to him.]
Weren't you the one who tried telling me that with magic comes hurt and safety?
[ He's not condoning the murder of Thor - He would never - but he is using Loki's own words against them. That, perhaps, in all things there has to be a little of both. Even if he doesn't want to accept it. ]
[ I do, Loki says, and just like their tick boxes he gets the answers to all his unanswered questions - The mix of feelings that settle in his heart as he nods. ]
Then - Can I say I'm happy for you, or would you call that a platitude?
I was, but I wasn't sure if the lesson would stick.
[They smile playfully, still teasing. However much he might deny the superhero aspect, Billy is a good person, the type who usually would have issues with Loki's philosophy. And he most likely still does, even if he can accept that it's what works for Loki.]
You can say whatever you want, I have no control over that. Same as I can say that I'm happy for you. That you are changing for the better.
It didn't. [ The response is immediate, expected. Not heated but he smiles and shrugs, ] I'm never going to accept having to hurt people.
[ Even if it feels like it's all he does - there's a difference, after all. He refuses to let himself become apathetic to it. Everyone keeps saying he has all this power, he's going to find a way to stop that from happening. He still doesn't let himself think he's meant to be a superhero - because, what kind of superhero hurts people more than they help them? ]
[ And right now, he still feels a little more like that than the reverse. It's a heaviness in his heart that Loki can probably pick up on, but it really is such an expected thing. ]
... And if I've always been like this - at least a little?
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[It's difficult to hide character development from the God of Stories, especially something as obvious as this.]
Phoenix wanted to leave his mark, to stay as a part of you. Looks to me as if he did.
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I wasn't part of those first two things - it's practically inherited. And you reached out to me.
[ He says it lightly. Tries to anyway, at the knot in his stomach. ]
Maybe he did or -[ a beat ] maybe I'm just wishing he did?
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[And he could've easily rejected the apartment and the business.]
Most of what magic is comes down to wishing for something and making it true.
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[ he's not sure he can say he could reject the apartment/business since it was a deal with a court ruler either but that's neither here nor there when he breahtes out, ]
Usually at the cost of someone else, yeah.
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[Though they're sure all the sciencey people would disagree with them.]
Was there a great cost in this case?
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I'm not sure?
If something did change, I mean. Other then me feeling weird about a lot of things... I don't think so.
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[They begin to pace around the apartment, like they've got some energy they need to get out.]
I lucked out as well. Although to be fair, I did put a few cautionary measures in place. I promised my Leaf lots of gossip so long as it hid from me if I took on the form of a child.
[This was after Kid Loki's network post, obviously. And Loki didn't really care if that version of them saw all their messages, the concern was for any of their actually younger selves.]
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[ Notably, Loki's restless energy may help them notice the package already settled on the table. ]
Did you get gossip to give it?
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[They are now circling the table, pointedly ignoring the package.]
I promised not to write fanfiction about us, and gossip falls into that category I figure.
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... I definitely appreciate you not telling stories about us to the Leaf, yes.
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[Realizing how that sounds, they add,]
The other other Loki. The one who's not me? From your multiverse.
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I think I met them once.
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[The other future Loki once travelled back in time to his father's boyhood and blew up a dragon with a bazooka.
So.
Loki stops suddenly and grabs the package, grinning.]
You really didn't have to do this, you know.
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[ It's a joke - Mostly, but he does mean it. ]
[ Loki stops then and grabs the package which is notably heavier than they'd received previously. He shakes his head. ]
I didn't do it. [ ... ] Not exactly. The Disorder were known for gift-giving and hospitality among criminal activities. It could be a knife.
[ It is, of course, not a knife. ]
no subject
[They unwrap it carefully, perhaps because of the heft, perhaps because of the knife joke, and perhaps because their younger self thought they would tear into it. They enjoy proving themselves wrong.]
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[ And when they unwrap it it's a kni-No, he's not that kind of Disorder despite Goose's attempts. ]
[ There are actually several things in the package, so they might to put one down for a moment or two. The bottom two are journals. The third item, resting atop the journals, is well made but isn't particularly overly done a light creamy green long-sleeved shirt. It's got dark green and gold markings engraved on it, reminiscent to the ones on the cloak. Simple, nice - it could be paired well with the cloak (as if he already thought ahead to the fact this Loki would decide the cloak was for them, because it was true - they're all Loki's. There is no Phoenix stitched into the inside of the shirt, but if they look close enough they might find a tiny winged bunny instead - no magic involved. ]
[ And, of course, the fourth item is a note. As promised it's significantly shorter than the one Phoenix had left the younger Loki. It reads as follows: ]
A Storyteller tells stories.
That's what the Showmaster told me.
You'd make a good Producer, are you sure you don't want to be one?
That's what the Ticketmaster told me.
If I'm being honest with myself, especially being here, I don't think there's anywhere to go back to.
Estoria sounds a lot like story, right?
Someone suggested that we were just knock-off versions of ourselves, fanfiction.
I feel pretty alive right now and I don't feel like my life was a lie.
If magick is about possibilities and I already brought myself back once, why can't I do it again?
I thought you'd find it interesting to hear at least.
So, if I'm supposed to be a Storyteller than these are the stories I have to tell.
You can throw them away or keep them, but at least I can say I left them.
And who better to entrust them to?
Sorry, that I'm not quite over being afraid of what things might mean either.
If the possibility is there, I'm going to find a way to hurt as few people as possible. Always.
Thank you, for everything. Again.
Phoenix
[ WAIT I FORGOT WHAT'S IN THE ACTUAL JOURNALS. If Loki looks at the journal, there's two. One is Phoenix's story - specifically, an overview of life in Estoria and things he remembers. The second is actual stories, stories he wrote for the Showmaster to keep her company. If you want deets I'll give them. ]
no subject
It's lovely, [they say with a tilt of their head and a gentle smile.
And while they're tempted to start going through the journals, they pick up the note first and read through it. They can almost picture Phoenix writing it, the comic panels forming in their mind. When they're done, they tuck the note into one of the journals, like a makeshift bookmark.]
I've got a lot of reading ahead of me, huh. Should help, whenever I'm itching to return to my own story.
[Loki lets out a sigh, and then chuckles lightly, remembering their younger self's comments about their under-eye circles. Part of the change in their appearance is a commitment towards an aesthetic, remembering what a lie is. A story told around a fire, folktales given life by their audience. Another part of it is just that they're tired.]
It's exhausting growing older. Ozma's more powerful than Tip, but she has so many more responsibilities too. I always thought it would be easier were I more selfless, and it's really not.
no subject
[ ( This was a piece he had a part in, the rest he had not). Phoenix hadn't been entirely sure about the journals and neither was he, but none of it is his story to give (or is it?). Not that there isn't a copy put away. He tilts his head a little in turn before shaking it- ] You can take your time, two years really isn't that long, right?
[ But the journals are filled, one more than the other. ]
[ His brows furrow. ]
What do you mean by that?
no subject
[Loki's experienced both themselves, and they have an idea of which one Phoenix leans towards.]
I mentioned it in passing before, but I might as well own up to it completely now. You were right about me, to an extent. I'm a decent person when it comes down to it, some might even use the word good.
Shortly after I was reborn, I planned to leave the multiverse behind. Free myself from the narrative's control completely and find out what's beyond. Instead, I took a vow. To save everyone, not just myself. It's not exactly something I'm advertising in regards to being the God of Stories, especially considering it's helpful if I'm viewed as a villain from time to time. I doubt anyone would believe me either, that Loki's really and truly dedicated their existence to helping others, but... I thought you might like to know.
no subject
[ He doesn't expect Loki to continue or to continue the way they do. Maybe he doesn't know the exact content of the letter, but he knows the feelings of it. The heart and defiance they both feel. There's a lot to unpack, so many layers. ]
[ After a moment, he smiles just a little: ]
I'm rarely wrong about people with that kind of thing.
[ It's not a dismissal, it's not quite teasing either even if the lilt of it is there. Billy has always tried to see people for who they are or could be - the empath, telepath, and whatever subconscious things he sees has made him more attune to it. Still. The light remark is not what he wants to say. ]
Thank you - for telling me. I won't tell anyone. [ The quiet note of: what's another secret. He pauses. ] Do you feel - [ regret? happier? lonelier? ] satisfied?
[ It's not quite the word he's looking for when there's too many words he wants to use, but it has to do. ]
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[They just did it for good reasons instead of evil ones! Although Loki's definition of good might still be questionable...
Loki watches as the other words flash across Billy's expression, unspoken. Or maybe they're reading the words from a text box above his head. Either way,]
I do.
[Feel satisfied. They're telling a good story.
Feel regret. Thor trusted them up until the very end. The shock in his eyes as they literally stabbed him in the back...
(And selfishly still, they wonder what it would have been like if they abandoned the multiverse.)
Feel happier. They feel much more like themselves these days. And sometimes, being a villain is incredibly fun. Being a hero is fun too, so they dabble in both.
Feel lonelier. No one sees things the way they do. They told Thor from the very beginning that they would be the one to kill him, and he didn't believe them. Only the Norns know whether he'll understand their reasoning once his memories return to him.]
no subject
[ He's not condoning the murder of Thor - He would never - but he is using Loki's own words against them. That, perhaps, in all things there has to be a little of both. Even if he doesn't want to accept it. ]
[ I do, Loki says, and just like their tick boxes he gets the answers to all his unanswered questions - The mix of feelings that settle in his heart as he nods. ]
Then - Can I say I'm happy for you, or would you call that a platitude?
no subject
[They smile playfully, still teasing. However much he might deny the superhero aspect, Billy is a good person, the type who usually would have issues with Loki's philosophy. And he most likely still does, even if he can accept that it's what works for Loki.]
You can say whatever you want, I have no control over that. Same as I can say that I'm happy for you. That you are changing for the better.
no subject
[ Even if it feels like it's all he does - there's a difference, after all. He refuses to let himself become apathetic to it. Everyone keeps saying he has all this power, he's going to find a way to stop that from happening. He still doesn't let himself think he's meant to be a superhero - because, what kind of superhero hurts people more than they help them? ]
[ And right now, he still feels a little more like that than the reverse. It's a heaviness in his heart that Loki can probably pick up on, but it really is such an expected thing. ]
... And if I've always been like this - at least a little?
no subject
[For all their talk of evil deeds and all their teasing and dramatics, there's a gentle kindness to them now. A fairy godmother vibe, almost.]
You've always been like this, at least a little. I've always been like this, at least a little.
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animal death cw
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