You're ten as you take your twin's hand. Your parents tell you to stay together - which both of you resist the urge to roll your eyes at. The town is small. Everyone knows everyone and you're not going to get in trouble. Besides you're not alone. Aya, all of twelve, walks a few steps ahead of you in quiet sobriety.
The three of you stay together as you make your way onto the trail of the neighboring forest where the town gathers throughout the year for various celebrations. Tonight is a bonfire and "county fair" night. It's usually the most exciting time of the year save for holidays proper.
The trail widens and becomes a clearing with the view of a distant beach. Aya keeps walking, but Jonah is quick to zoom ahead dragging you with him. It's only when he stops that you remind him you can't leave Aya behind. She's wasted no time trying to catch up, but by the time she's in view she's back to that leisurely, unbothered pace.
Jon wants to go on the small coaster first. You hesitate but join him. You go on many rides - most of them Jon's picks - and Aya doesn't go on any. She does join you in spending an unhealthy amount on carnival snacks. That you eat throughout the evening.
Later, your parents arrive and you have a picnic on the beach as do many of the other families. More rides are taken and Aya continues to sit out on them. Until towards the end - She grabs both yours and Jon's hands and drags you towards the Ferris Wheel. The line shorter now as most others take a seat on the beach.
The three of you crowd into the large bench and as it reaches the top for the first time you see her master plan as the fireworks start to go off. The ferris wheel turns and turns and stops at the top at the height of the show. This is what Aya saved her tickets for and the three of you stay on and when the fire work show ends with the buzzing energy of happy kids you clamber off to rejoin your parents.
You're eight when it happens. You and your siblings are playing in the community park. "Playing" for you means that Aya observes while you tell her about the quest you're planning for them to go on. Jon is busy zooming around - literally, as he'd only recently come into a superspeed blessing and needs it for everything now - picking up sticks that look "sword-like" and throwing them down until he finds the perfect one. You're mid-talking about the prize at the end when there's something akin to a piercing pain.
You stop and blink back. Aya notices and turns her attention fully to you. It's a pain in your mind you start to realize, but it hurts and it's not like a headache it's - Suddenly, there's a voice. A child's voice crying out and you start tearing up, too. Jon now realizes something's wrong and speeds over. You can't tell your siblings what's wrong - you're consolable.
You wipe at eyes as the feeling worsens, like the pain won't stop. You have to help and get up searchingly. Your siblings call after you - following along - but you do not stop until you're on the outskirts of the park where the forest starts.
There, it seems, is a small group of kids who were playing too rough. A young girl has at least a sprained ankle - probably worse, you think as the pain and terror she's feeling rack over you. Jon wastes no time to speed off and find an adult.
Jonah hates sitting still. You're okay being inside.
You like to read and look at the stars. Jonah would rather be playing in the woods.
Jonah doesn't get caught up much in the feelings of others and you live amongst them.
Jonah likes to speed through life, excited for the next big adventure, and you're fine taking it slow and enjoying the moment.
You're different and - yet - you can always be found not far apart. You've met in the middle.
You play games together. Jonah loves the dance rhythm ones - he's good. You're atrocious. You still play together.
You go on adventures. Jonah likes to collect the various quest items from the woods - he's makes a game of seeing how long it takes and how fast he gets back. You make up the story. Jonah likes being a thief or a nimble swordsman. You, of course, are also the sorcerer in the stories. Sometimes, when you can convince Aya to play along - rarely, she'll play a tankier role.
You know each other better than anyone else does. You always know when he's awake or asleep. He knows when you're feeling overwhelmed. You know when his mind has sped up and it's taking all he can to stay the same pace. He knows when you say it's fine and it's not. You know when he says it's fine and he's not.
You don't always talk about it. Sometimes the being there is enough.
Sometimes you fight about it. You fight about a lot of small things - like who gets to go first in the video game or how Jonah always cheats by getting their first. Or how you cheat because you know the answer to his joke and even if you don't mean to hear you can't pretend otherwise.
None of it matters - even on the worst days - because it never takes more than a glance in the other's direction to know when you're needed.
And the response is instanteous - you will always find each other.
So, no. You're not inseparable exactly.
You're very individual beings, but without one something is missing in the other.
To be frank - it's not a monumental thing. You've always known who you are in this way, but your first real crush hits like a pile of bricks. You're closer to thirteen than you are twelve and an older boy - only slightly (fourteen-ish) is visiting and he's nice to you and he's cute. You find yourself tongue-tied and are hardly able to look at him the entire duration of the morning. When they're ready to leave your parents tell you not to be rude and instead of saying bye or nice to meet you you say hihasanyonetoldyouyourecute and turn nearly the shade of the shirt you're wearing.
If it hadn't been obvious before - you were obvious now. Jon teased you for a whole day and Aya gave you a knowing look.
It only got worse when a few months later they moved into town. He's seated next to you in a class and it takes a solid week for you to work up the courage to say something to him of any merit.
Nothing actually happens, but some part of you wishes it did.
Your thirteenth birthday is an important day in your [ nebulously not Jewish but Jewish-esque upbringing ]. You and Jonah have been studying the scriptures for days of the religious branch your town (or most of your town) celebrates within the Order for months. You're scared and nervous to recite it and maybe you stumble over a few words but it's -
Nice. There's a party after and it's not themed or anything. It's nothing special. It's essentially a town potluck with presents. It's like this for every kid's birthday, but especially when your mother is the religious leader here.
There's music and games and you and Jon eat way too much cake, so that by the time you get home you're more wired than you had been all day. You spend all night watching movies and playing video games in your room. Your parents sigh heavily, but let it happen. Aya joins you at some point and the next morning your parents find all of you in not-a-blanket-for-because-you're-too-old-for-that sleeping while the tv plays the last few minutes of Emperor of the Rings.
forgotten cw: v. light mention of (non-character) self-harm
aya is aya.
there are people who sometimes say things about her. that she's too much of a loner or that she doesn't care. you know better, though, because aya cares so much. she's just very good at hiding it. you could never tell her, but you think she's the loudest person you know. sometimes, she's louder than jon.
you notice she's loudest when you're somewhere between fourteen and fifteen. she's worried and afraid - but you don't know how to bring it up. she withdraws from all of you and... aya is always aya, but it's different.
one day, when it's really bad you go to her room. at first she says nothing and then after a moment she speaks. she tells you about a friend and how they just hate themselves so much they're hurting themselves. she wishes they didn't, she doesn't know what to do. and for a while you hug her as hard as you can and then you go to your parents.
she doesn't say anything about it after that day. neither do you.
but the worry dissipates and you feel her - the aya you really know - who will tell anyone who listens that she doesn't care but she cares. you think she cares even more than you.
Not to state the painfully obvious: But you weren't always into goth fashion.
Not just before the amnesia, too.
Your early weeks were spent wearing whatever it was your adoptive parents bought for you. You nodded, smiled, and thanked them appropriately. In the beginning it hadn't mattered - there was too much for you to deal with otherwise.
Months later you would pierce your ears for the first time. And then the next month you bought finger nail polish - an electric blue. Then another ear piercing and another. You discovered eyeliner and then -
One day, by chance, after a failed attempt at knitting your own sweater ( because you decided learning to do that was easier than asking for more clothes when they'd say it was perfectly fine) you're filled with fashion envy. You scroll through page after page of various outfits.
That's how you discover this particular Blessing - a fourteenish-year-old kid desperate to figure out who you are and to feel comfortable in your own skin. You look in the mirror wishing to be something else - anyone else - and the outfit changes to something far more fashionable than the generic sweater and jeans you're wearing.
That's how you get stuck in brightly-colored athleisure styled clothes - dotted in happy phrases and bold patterns, Usually comfy but sometimes form fitting - for what you now declare was an embarrassingly long time (it was like a month, tops).
People always tell you you're a people person and you're not. Or you are, but people are naturally overwhelming. You like going home after school or to a park...
But, see, as an amnesiac the counselor super pushes you for extra-curriculars. Something about having something to do afterschool and making friends. You decided book club was good for it and you... don't often go, honestly. It's one of those days where at the end of school they call you in and talk about things so begrudgingly you decide to go.
You've only by coincidence read the book for this day - you love adventure novels.
So that's encouraging but so is the fact there's a new boy in the club from the last time you were there. Your first instinct is that he's cute. Not like a crush or love at first sight or anything, but definitely cute enough to look at. Which you do once. Or twice.
And then you're broken off into pairs to talk about the chapters you're on and by coincidence you're with him. He's nice, you decide then. And maybe a little sad for reasons you can't quite piece together, but you enjoy talking to him. You think that when he smiles it brightens the room.
It feels easy talking to him. Like maybe he could really be a friend - as the counselor keeps telling you that you should find - and when the meeting ends you smile more easily at him as you agree: see you next time. He smiles now and -
Yeah, you were definitely right. His smile could definitely light up a room. After this day, you don't miss a meeting.
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PRE-AMNESIA
— fair
— blessing
— twins
— crush
— birthday
— aya
cw: v. light mention of (non-character) self-harm
POST-AMNESIA
— fashion
— books