[ That was Phoenix who had a good time not him! The groan is long-suffering especially because he has to think about who he was doing stuff with and no. ]
I went to a powerful sorceror about helping me try to get my memories back.
[ It was exciting, then, in a different way. A not so fun away. He does not unbury himself from his hands because he did not expect to be discussing his relationship with Eddie today, actually. ]
It was big? I'd like to think it was big. We had just said I love you. [ Which is embarrassing to say out loud but not as mortifying as the next line, ] But I've been here longer than I got to date Eddie... I mean, I've been here, like, a quarter of my life anyway.
That sounds like less fun. You should try the thing I said too and see if you get more memories.
Whoa, that's great. Good for you, man. I mean, fuck if I even know what love is. And uh... aren't you sixteen; you haven't been here... [oh right] Wait. When are you counting from? Like when you took William's body?
I would love to if there was anyone kissable and the Fae weren't involved.
[ Like!!! Especially with forgetting Eddie, he is (unfortunately) going with he probably doesn't have a relationship anymore but - ]
[ Another long-suffering groan. ]
I'll be seventeen in a month. I feel seventeen. [ That's the important part. Takes a breath and drops his hands to look at him, ]
But yeah, kind of? The stuff in Westview happened three years ago which means we didn't exist before three years ago. So, if I didn't exist before then and didn't have memories before then - [ he shrugs. It practically makes his existence like four, right? ]
Pucker up, big guy. Your offer was good for a week, right?
[see if he can crack jokes about it that means there's no more awkwardness cliff logic]
And hey. ...Me, too, sort of. I don't really know how many days it's been here; I kinda didn't count at first and it blurred together, but I was about two months away from seventeen.
[The hell is Westville.]
And... yeah, you sorta lost me, but. Did you have like... implanted memories? Like do you have fake memories of you being ten or something? That sort of... counts. Right?
I really don't think I want to be part of your am I gay crisis more than I already have. Once you've kissed me you'll definitely not be thinking about any girls.
[ This is also a joke. ]
Then you should do something for it - you know, if you want.
[ Closing his eyes, honestly. ]
I have memories of being ten for like... three days.
Yoooooooooooo. Where's this confidence coming from? Damn. Sexy, bro.
[ok that's enough gay ribbing]
So. Let me get this straight. Your parents made you with magic and sort of... made you like, as a teenager? And gave you a few fake memories so it seemed more natural?
...Shit. Really should have just put you at like, 21 if they were gonna do that. Being a teenager kinda sucks.
Hey -- we should have a big party together! [...] OK, not like, the kind of big party with a lotta drinking 'cause I know that's not your thing, but. We're gonna be almost 18, that's a pretty big deal. We'll make the castle make us tons of food, we'll invite everyone we like...
... The more I try to explain the more insane it'll sound. So can we just leave it as 'Billy Maximoff was born and died in a week at age ten?'
[ Which, until yesterday, he couldn't fully explain at - Now though, ] I guess the point is, I didn't exist as I do until three years ago. And until. Yesterday. I didn't remember any of it.
[ really insert 'yesterday' as some nebulous time between now and then. How does he tell Cliff he doesn't really have friends because he hid away... And also: ]
We can put something together for you. I'm okay not doing anything.
[Cliff gives Billy the dirtiest look he's ever thrown in his direction.]
...No.
[He knows it's serious because there's nothing surrounding that word. No jokes, no slang, no nothing.]
Fuck off, man. We're celebrating you, too.
[Technically, Billy must have remembered something to be able to tell him about the whole robot / witch parent thing, but that's probably not the important detail right now.]
What I'm hearing... is that Billiam B. Kaplan [he's decided this is funny so he's sticking with it] has never had a real birthday party. William might have. And you in William's body. But! No one's ever celebrated you as you.
[ Honestly, it's the hard no that gets him first. That snaps him to attention and to the look that Cliff gives him. It's harsh and demanding. Billy feels himself freeze in his spot. We're celebrating you, too, Cliff demands and Billy starts to shake his head - an extremely tiny motion - that's not necessary. ]
[ Any urge to scoff or roll his eyes at something that is decidedly not his name is lost in the wave the crashes over him. For as much as Cliff might cite that he's not smart enough sometimes, it's not lost on him how quickly and easily he clocked into this fact. How hearing him say it traps him in the sinking reality of the truth -
Whoever he was hadn't been allowed to exist so his parents could be spared, after all. Billy or the mixture of both he's made himself to be, the one he's only known, was someone who wasn't known. Until now. ]
[ You're allowed to be celebrated, Clint had said days before. A statement that made him break down then, like a fishing ship overtaken by a storm. And since then - he's spoken to Agatha. Knows his parents feelings. He's gone with Strange to reclaim what he could and now - No one's ever celebrated you as you. If that had been a fishing boat this is a cruise ship lost at sea because he blinks stunned, confused and the next thing he knows is that his heart aches and twists and his vision blurs entirely. ]
[ A breath comes out in a small puff like he wants to try to say something and can't quite make the word, and instead he buries his hands in his face to try and keep from crying, but the cracks in the dam he'd managed to build back up are gone and the dam is demolished and it's all he can do to breathe, let alone stop crying. ]
He's always known, on some level, that part of Billy's caregiving and selfless nature was tied to his... inferiority complex. Perhaps that wasn't the best term for it, but the deflection and the refusal to acknowledge his own needs and wants in favor of focusing on others. Cliff understands this impulse, to some degree, though his own flavor of deflection has more to do with self-loathing than anything else. Every time they had circled perilously close to Billy deserving something, Billy not needing to earn the right to have something, the other boy had carefully maneuvered away from the topic. Or outright denied it.
Perhaps he had voiced it too strongly. But Cliff was Cliff, and he wouldn't be Cliff if he didn't get heated in the blink of an eye, and he felt adamantly - fervently that something was unjust in the world if Billy allowed one more day to pass without acknowledging that he deserved to be here.
After a moment of his best bud sobbing, Cliff silently gets up from his seated position on the floor. It's good that Billy's too busy crying right now to look up, because Cliff carries out a very awkward series of maneuvers wherein his hands hover at various places along Billy's upper back, arm, and head with the attitude of one trying to decide how best to pick up a hedgehog. He's clapped Billy on the back once. He's roughhoused with Billy. But eventually, a warm hand barely descends on Billy's shoulder to give it a light squeeze.
It remains there.]
Hey.
...It's OK.
[It is. He doesn't have much else to say beyond that.]
[ A small part of the teenager - or smaller than it once was - regrets telling anyone who he was. Is. Wants to be. If only because that smaller part of him still believes he stole something from William. That his existence is bad. And while recent events and people have made that feeling lesser, has made him accept himself more, there's still too much guilt on a boy who is otherwise... to put it bluntly, still a gentle and innocent soul at heart. Even if he'll never believe that of himself- ]
[ - the irony there being, of course, he'll always believe the opposite for others. That others have the right and aren't bad, that is. ]
[ The smaller that part of him gets, the more he believes they're right. The more the William who was supposed to be ceases to exist - He's not fully ready to accept that this is the way it was meant to be, that they were always meant to become one. So, no, he doesn't think he deserves any of it even if he wants to deserve all of it. To be seen and know himself and mostly - Others seeing him is wildly terrifying in a different way. ]
[ ( It's as stupid as it is complicated and his feelings are a mess of a concoction that he's too long bottled up and pulled the lid on that now it feels like an explosion). ]
[ An explosion he can't have because he feels Cliff's worry and his awkwardness. Knows from feeling and thought alone he's not sure what to do and his breath comes out in quicker beats as he tries to force back the wave that seems relentless. And then Cliff touches him - of his own accord, with his own gentleness - that he chokes back a sob in surprise. ]
[ Scrunches his eyes closed as he wipes at his eyes. And tries to center himself even though the tears don't quite stop and he breathes out through his nostrils. ]
Yeah.
Sorry.
[ For crying. For everything. For putting him in this position. ]
[Cliff is too much of a teenaged boy to say anything like 'it's good to cry' because hell no it's embarrassing as fucking shit, but he can at least convey the sense that it's safe to cry around him, at least. Even if it's still embarrassing as fucking shit. He glances around to see if there are any tissues anywhere and manages to come up with some napkins from the kitchen table, which he passes over to Billy silently.]
...Was it the party? You're disappointed I didn't remember the male strippers, aren't you.
[Be Unapologetically Annoying: the Cliff Norman Story]
Well. You can't tell me you don't want this now, so don't even try and pretend, OK? [the party, not the strippers] It'll be great. Promise. I mean... don't get your hopes up for decorations or whatever but I know how to have a good time.
[ This is supposed to be about your am I gay crisis!!! Fingers flit over eyelids like doing so will make the tears stop. Woefully it doesn't even if he's calmed from his near hyperventilation moments before. Cliff hands him a napkin and he smiles in thanks before taking it - the expression strained and certainly funny when he's otherwise in tears. ]
[ Moves to use it before coughing a laugh that's too hoarse to be more of one: ] Definitely the strippers, obviously.
[ It's a joke. He's a sixteen-almost-seventeen-year-old he does not need a stripper birthday party. He swallows roughly and keeps his attention downwards: ]
I don't have high expectations for anything - [ A beat, ] I mean. I'm not -
[ He breathes out. ] You saying that means more than any party. I don't need anything. I'm not saying that to be dismissal -
[ To do what he was doing before he means. He swallows. ] It's weird to make a big deal out of it.
[Cliff rolls his eyes in a perfunctory manner, because he's obligated to roll his eyes once every five minutes as a sullen teenager.]
It's not a 'big deal,' man. It's a totally normal thing all Americans in the year of our Lord 202X do for literally every single human being who's alive. Geez, the only person who thinks it's a big deal is you.
[A playful swat at Billy's head as he releases his shoulder.]
See, that's your problem. I'm not doing you some huge favor or anything. It's just a thing we do for each other, man, 'cause we're friends. A thing we wanna do for each other.
Sucks to have friends who like ya, bud, but you're gonna have to put up with it.
[ Huffs a breath as he closes his eyes once more wishing he could stop crying when he quietly adds: ]
It is. To me, it is.
[ It gets stuck in his throat. As does the 'you know that,' because he's right - it's not like he ever truly let himself exist before now. When he chose to be himself he'd been brought here. And then took several steps back for different reasons. He wipes at an eye: ]
[He does know that. But he's purposefully making light of it because -- he wants Billy to know such an ordinary, commonplace thing is just the least of what he deserves.]
Well, they're missing out.
I don't have friends 'cause I'm a jackass [self-awareness is good] but you deserve a lot more. ...Actually, nah, I'd rather have you to myself. If people figure out how great you are, who am I gonna hang with?
[He's not even joking.]
Hey. I'm serious though. If you put yourself out there, people'll be falling over themselves to do shit for you.
[ An exasperated sigh, but he doesn't deny he's a jackass at least. That declaration is embarrassing though, this whole thing is embarrassing! Which is helpfully enough to get him to stop crying because he's now scrunching up his face and going way too red. ]
You're supposed to say I'm a misunderstood soul or some shit like that. Fuck you.
[...not exactly disproving Billy's point, but Cliff wrinkles his nose.]
Well, now I'm gonna be an asshole to you. ...Do you actually not want that? Or are you afraid to accept it because it means you gotta accept that you're someone worth doing shit for?
...Oh I thought you meant I was like. An uber jackass or something.
[whoops oh well]
Eh, I'm already on a roll.
I think you want this shit. Not that you want people to do shit for you. But you wanna have these experiences; you're just too much of a fucking do-gooder wrapped up in, you know. The half dozen complexes you have. [no judgment, cliff has a solid half dozen too]
Look me in the eyes and say there's no part of you that wants to be a normal teen having a dope-ass party with his friends celebrating his birthday eating cake and blasting music. Don't think about 'it's gonna mean other people gotta take time' and blah blah blah -- fuck that shit!
Just you. It's just you and you get to think about what you want.
[ It's mouthed quietly. He doesn't have complexes! (Yes, he does). Why is Cliff being such a positive jackass about this? He scrubs at his eyes before sighing breathing out. ]
Of course I want that.
[ He does look at him even if he drops his gaze pretty immediately then shrugs his shoulders a little. He doesn't want to say the secondary reason it's pretty weird but also even more quietly than the rude earlier- ] - I died on my birthday.
[Cliff grins and raises an eyebrow in a manner that suggests he's up to no good.]
Then that's what you're gonna get.
[That's it. That's all he wanted Billy to say. He wants something nice. No meek 'but people will have to do things for me' no denial of his own feelings. Is it right to push him like this? Maybe not, and heck if he's a therapist, but god damn does Billy need to try to put himself first for once.
One last playful cuff on the shoulder before he backs off and flops down in a chair, finally, like a normal person. Mission accom -- ]
...Uh. What now?
[god damn why is there always something else]
...You? Or, uh. William? [there's a lot of death happening. at least he knows it's probably not phoenix's death]
[ He smiles a little apologetically. Yeah. It's always something else, sorry. ]
Both.
[ He breathes out, ] The day the stuff in Westview ended was the day of William's Bar Mitzvah. They were told to evacuate and mom - We had a car accident.
[ obviously he didn't make it. ]
[ editor's note: technically going with the rule of thumb that they probably used movie magic for the audience of the day = birthday but also (: if math is right then billy/william were both born on nov 4 (gregorian calendar) and died on nov 11........ and reborn on november 11. 11:11 make a wish etc ]
[Cliff sticks his tongue out a bit and bites it in thought as he tries to make sense of what exactly the timeline is here.]
...What's Westview again?
[Actually he had never really learned about the fake TV sitcom reality so that part's kind of new to him.]
'Kay, well. Honestly. It doesn't matter. ...'Kay, that's not what I mean, it does matter in your life, but. Like. It won't matter now 'cause A. who the hell knows what the date is here anyway and B. we're gonna override any of those shitty memory associations with something way better.
Birthdays gotta be associated with something fun. The other stuff... you keep with you, but don't let it ruin something good.
If I try to explain you'll be even more confused. It's where I was born. Or Billy, William was born in Eastview.
[ this explains nothing and everything. ]
[ he shifts a little, ]
Since when were you the giver of life advice? [ Lightly said. ] I think that's it, I don't have good associations with it. So I just want to ignore it totally.
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no subject
[ That was Phoenix who had a good time not him! The groan is long-suffering especially because he has to think about who he was doing stuff with and no. ]
I went to a powerful sorceror about helping me try to get my memories back.
[ It was exciting, then, in a different way. A not so fun away. He does not unbury himself from his hands because he did not expect to be discussing his relationship with Eddie today, actually. ]
It was big? I'd like to think it was big. We had just said I love you. [ Which is embarrassing to say out loud but not as mortifying as the next line, ] But I've been here longer than I got to date Eddie... I mean, I've been here, like, a quarter of my life anyway.
no subject
[a pause]
That sounds like less fun. You should try the thing I said too and see if you get more memories.
Whoa, that's great. Good for you, man. I mean, fuck if I even know what love is. And uh... aren't you sixteen; you haven't been here... [oh right] Wait. When are you counting from? Like when you took William's body?
no subject
I would love to if there was anyone kissable and the Fae weren't involved.
[ Like!!! Especially with forgetting Eddie, he is (unfortunately) going with he probably doesn't have a relationship anymore but - ]
[ Another long-suffering groan. ]
I'll be seventeen in a month. I feel seventeen. [ That's the important part. Takes a breath and drops his hands to look at him, ]
But yeah, kind of? The stuff in Westview happened three years ago which means we didn't exist before three years ago. So, if I didn't exist before then and didn't have memories before then - [ he shrugs. It practically makes his existence like four, right? ]
no subject
[see if he can crack jokes about it that means there's no more awkwardness
cliff logic]
And hey. ...Me, too, sort of. I don't really know how many days it's been here; I kinda didn't count at first and it blurred together, but I was about two months away from seventeen.
[The hell is Westville.]
And... yeah, you sorta lost me, but. Did you have like... implanted memories? Like do you have fake memories of you being ten or something? That sort of... counts. Right?
no subject
[ This is also a joke. ]
Then you should do something for it - you know, if you want.
[ Closing his eyes, honestly. ]
I have memories of being ten for like... three days.
no subject
[ok that's enough gay ribbing]
So. Let me get this straight. Your parents made you with magic and sort of... made you like, as a teenager? And gave you a few fake memories so it seemed more natural?
...Shit. Really should have just put you at like, 21 if they were gonna do that. Being a teenager kinda sucks.
Hey -- we should have a big party together! [...] OK, not like, the kind of big party with a lotta drinking 'cause I know that's not your thing, but. We're gonna be almost 18, that's a pretty big deal. We'll make the castle make us tons of food, we'll invite everyone we like...
[He pauses for thought.]
You invite everyone you like, I'll invite... you.
[Cliff is Bad at Making Friends.]
no subject
[ Which, until yesterday, he couldn't fully explain at - Now though, ] I guess the point is, I didn't exist as I do until three years ago. And until. Yesterday. I didn't remember any of it.
[ really insert 'yesterday' as some nebulous time between now and then. How does he tell Cliff he doesn't really have friends because he hid away... And also: ]
We can put something together for you. I'm okay not doing anything.
no subject
...No.
[He knows it's serious because there's nothing surrounding that word. No jokes, no slang, no nothing.]
Fuck off, man. We're celebrating you, too.
[Technically, Billy must have remembered something to be able to tell him about the whole robot / witch parent thing, but that's probably not the important detail right now.]
What I'm hearing... is that Billiam B. Kaplan [he's decided this is funny so he's sticking with it] has never had a real birthday party. William might have. And you in William's body. But! No one's ever celebrated you as you.
So that's what's happening.
no subject
[ Any urge to scoff or roll his eyes at something that is decidedly not his name is lost in the wave the crashes over him. For as much as Cliff might cite that he's not smart enough sometimes, it's not lost on him how quickly and easily he clocked into this fact. How hearing him say it traps him in the sinking reality of the truth -
Whoever he was hadn't been allowed to exist so his parents could be spared, after all. Billy or the mixture of both he's made himself to be, the one he's only known, was someone who wasn't known. Until now. ]
[ You're allowed to be celebrated, Clint had said days before. A statement that made him break down then, like a fishing ship overtaken by a storm. And since then - he's spoken to Agatha. Knows his parents feelings. He's gone with Strange to reclaim what he could and now - No one's ever celebrated you as you. If that had been a fishing boat this is a cruise ship lost at sea because he blinks stunned, confused and the next thing he knows is that his heart aches and twists and his vision blurs entirely. ]
[ A breath comes out in a small puff like he wants to try to say something and can't quite make the word, and instead he buries his hands in his face to try and keep from crying, but the cracks in the dam he'd managed to build back up are gone and the dam is demolished and it's all he can do to breathe, let alone stop crying. ]
no subject
He broke Billy.
He's always known, on some level, that part of Billy's caregiving and selfless nature was tied to his... inferiority complex. Perhaps that wasn't the best term for it, but the deflection and the refusal to acknowledge his own needs and wants in favor of focusing on others. Cliff understands this impulse, to some degree, though his own flavor of deflection has more to do with self-loathing than anything else. Every time they had circled perilously close to Billy deserving something, Billy not needing to earn the right to have something, the other boy had carefully maneuvered away from the topic. Or outright denied it.
Perhaps he had voiced it too strongly. But Cliff was Cliff, and he wouldn't be Cliff if he didn't get heated in the blink of an eye, and he felt adamantly - fervently that something was unjust in the world if Billy allowed one more day to pass without acknowledging that he deserved to be here.
After a moment of his best bud sobbing, Cliff silently gets up from his seated position on the floor. It's good that Billy's too busy crying right now to look up, because Cliff carries out a very awkward series of maneuvers wherein his hands hover at various places along Billy's upper back, arm, and head with the attitude of one trying to decide how best to pick up a hedgehog. He's clapped Billy on the back once. He's roughhoused with Billy. But eventually, a warm hand barely descends on Billy's shoulder to give it a light squeeze.
It remains there.]
Hey.
...It's OK.
[It is. He doesn't have much else to say beyond that.]
no subject
[ A small part of the teenager - or smaller than it once was - regrets telling anyone who he was. Is. Wants to be. If only because that smaller part of him still believes he stole something from William. That his existence is bad. And while recent events and people have made that feeling lesser, has made him accept himself more, there's still too much guilt on a boy who is otherwise... to put it bluntly, still a gentle and innocent soul at heart. Even if he'll never believe that of himself- ]
[ - the irony there being, of course, he'll always believe the opposite for others. That others have the right and aren't bad, that is. ]
[ The smaller that part of him gets, the more he believes they're right. The more the William who was supposed to be ceases to exist - He's not fully ready to accept that this is the way it was meant to be, that they were always meant to become one. So, no, he doesn't think he deserves any of it even if he wants to deserve all of it. To be seen and know himself and mostly - Others seeing him is wildly terrifying in a different way. ]
[ ( It's as stupid as it is complicated and his feelings are a mess of a concoction that he's too long bottled up and pulled the lid on that now it feels like an explosion). ]
[ An explosion he can't have because he feels Cliff's worry and his awkwardness. Knows from feeling and thought alone he's not sure what to do and his breath comes out in quicker beats as he tries to force back the wave that seems relentless. And then Cliff touches him - of his own accord, with his own gentleness - that he chokes back a sob in surprise. ]
[ Scrunches his eyes closed as he wipes at his eyes. And tries to center himself even though the tears don't quite stop and he breathes out through his nostrils. ]
Yeah.
Sorry.
[ For crying. For everything. For putting him in this position. ]
no subject
You've seen me crying. It happens.
[Cliff is too much of a teenaged boy to say anything like 'it's good to cry' because hell no it's embarrassing as fucking shit, but he can at least convey the sense that it's safe to cry around him, at least. Even if it's still embarrassing as fucking shit. He glances around to see if there are any tissues anywhere and manages to come up with some napkins from the kitchen table, which he passes over to Billy silently.]
...Was it the party? You're disappointed I didn't remember the male strippers, aren't you.
[Be Unapologetically Annoying: the Cliff Norman Story]
Well. You can't tell me you don't want this now, so don't even try and pretend, OK? [the party, not the strippers] It'll be great. Promise. I mean... don't get your hopes up for decorations or whatever but I know how to have a good time.
no subject
[ This is supposed to be about your am I gay crisis!!! Fingers flit over eyelids like doing so will make the tears stop. Woefully it doesn't even if he's calmed from his near hyperventilation moments before. Cliff hands him a napkin and he smiles in thanks before taking it - the expression strained and certainly funny when he's otherwise in tears. ]
[ Moves to use it before coughing a laugh that's too hoarse to be more of one: ] Definitely the strippers, obviously.
[ It's a joke. He's a sixteen-almost-seventeen-year-old he does not need a stripper birthday party. He swallows roughly and keeps his attention downwards: ]
I don't have high expectations for anything - [ A beat, ] I mean. I'm not -
[ He breathes out. ] You saying that means more than any party. I don't need anything. I'm not saying that to be dismissal -
[ To do what he was doing before he means. He swallows. ] It's weird to make a big deal out of it.
no subject
It's not a 'big deal,' man. It's a totally normal thing all Americans in the year of our Lord 202X do for literally every single human being who's alive. Geez, the only person who thinks it's a big deal is you.
[A playful swat at Billy's head as he releases his shoulder.]
See, that's your problem. I'm not doing you some huge favor or anything. It's just a thing we do for each other, man, 'cause we're friends. A thing we wanna do for each other.
Sucks to have friends who like ya, bud, but you're gonna have to put up with it.
no subject
Immediate, reflexive. Not even hurt. Just! Ow.
[ Huffs a breath as he closes his eyes once more wishing he could stop crying when he quietly adds: ]
It is. To me, it is.
[ It gets stuck in his throat. As does the 'you know that,' because he's right - it's not like he ever truly let himself exist before now. When he chose to be himself he'd been brought here. And then took several steps back for different reasons. He wipes at an eye: ]
... I don't exactly have a lot of friends.
no subject
Well, they're missing out.
I don't have friends 'cause I'm a jackass [self-awareness is good] but you deserve a lot more. ...Actually, nah, I'd rather have you to myself. If people figure out how great you are, who am I gonna hang with?
[He's not even joking.]
Hey. I'm serious though. If you put yourself out there, people'll be falling over themselves to do shit for you.
no subject
[ An exasperated sigh, but he doesn't deny he's a jackass at least. That declaration is embarrassing though, this whole thing is embarrassing! Which is helpfully enough to get him to stop crying because he's now scrunching up his face and going way too red. ]
I don't want people to do that, though.
no subject
You're supposed to say I'm a misunderstood soul or some shit like that. Fuck you.
[...not exactly disproving Billy's point, but
Cliff wrinkles his nose.]
Well, now I'm gonna be an asshole to you. ...Do you actually not want that? Or are you afraid to accept it because it means you gotta accept that you're someone worth doing shit for?
no subject
[ Helpfull! Is it helpfully. ]
[ Why are you terrorizing him, though. He shoots him a look and... shrugs. ]
Both, I guess. I don't do anything for people to do stuff for me back.
no subject
[whoops
oh well]
Eh, I'm already on a roll.
I think you want this shit. Not that you want people to do shit for you. But you wanna have these experiences; you're just too much of a fucking do-gooder wrapped up in, you know. The half dozen complexes you have. [no judgment, cliff has a solid half dozen too]
Look me in the eyes and say there's no part of you that wants to be a normal teen having a dope-ass party with his friends celebrating his birthday eating cake and blasting music. Don't think about 'it's gonna mean other people gotta take time' and blah blah blah -- fuck that shit!
Just you. It's just you and you get to think about what you want.
no subject
[ It's mouthed quietly. He doesn't have complexes! (Yes, he does). Why is Cliff being such a positive jackass about this? He scrubs at his eyes before sighing breathing out. ]
Of course I want that.
[ He does look at him even if he drops his gaze pretty immediately then shrugs his shoulders a little. He doesn't want to say the secondary reason it's pretty weird but also even more quietly than the rude earlier- ] - I died on my birthday.
[ so you know there's that. ]
no subject
Then that's what you're gonna get.
[That's it. That's all he wanted Billy to say. He wants something nice. No meek 'but people will have to do things for me' no denial of his own feelings. Is it right to push him like this? Maybe not, and heck if he's a therapist, but god damn does Billy need to try to put himself first for once.
One last playful cuff on the shoulder before he backs off and flops down in a chair, finally, like a normal person. Mission accom -- ]
...Uh. What now?
[god damn why is there always something else]
...You? Or, uh. William? [there's a lot of death happening. at least he knows it's probably not phoenix's death]
no subject
[ He smiles a little apologetically. Yeah. It's always something else, sorry. ]
Both.
[ He breathes out, ] The day the stuff in Westview ended was the day of William's Bar Mitzvah. They were told to evacuate and mom - We had a car accident.
[ obviously he didn't make it. ]
[ editor's note: technically going with the rule of thumb that they probably used movie magic for the audience of the day = birthday but also (: if math is right then billy/william were both born on nov 4 (gregorian calendar) and died on nov 11........ and reborn on november 11. 11:11 make a wish etc ]
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...What's Westview again?
[Actually he had never really learned about the fake TV sitcom reality so that part's kind of new to him.]
'Kay, well. Honestly. It doesn't matter. ...'Kay, that's not what I mean, it does matter in your life, but. Like. It won't matter now 'cause A. who the hell knows what the date is here anyway and B. we're gonna override any of those shitty memory associations with something way better.
Birthdays gotta be associated with something fun. The other stuff... you keep with you, but don't let it ruin something good.
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[ this explains nothing and everything. ]
[ he shifts a little, ]
Since when were you the giver of life advice? [ Lightly said. ] I think that's it, I don't have good associations with it. So I just want to ignore it totally.
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