...It could be that. [He concedes, voice drifting out from behind the wall.] Probably not for you, though.
[There are some fairy people he'd probably be up to murder in a dungeon. It's good that Billy summons some light because the passageways are quite dim and poorly lit. The general trajectory is a diagonal slope downwards, leading deep underground. They walk for some time in relative silence.
At some point, Cliff pops into wolf form to sniff around and find the right trail. Some of the branches are marked by torches; others are not.]
[ Are you going to murder him and take the shoppe, Cliff? He thinks about lighting some of the torches, but decides not to keeping instead the blue glow of his own power up as they walk. ]
[ He sucks in a breath at the admission and his first and most important question: ]
[He admits, a little sheepishly. He knew Billy would be the only one who would be concerned about that, given their previous conversations.]
It mighta eaten some of my soul or something. But after everything that happened, I couldn't just sit around and twiddle my thumbs. And... if it's gonna help you out, too. Probably worth it.
Some of these tunnels lead back up into the castle. There are a few entrances. Maybe all of them do, and I just can't figure out how to make 'em open. But...
[They walk, onwards and onwards.]
All of these [and here they descend into a larger cavern with seven tunnels in various directions] lead out of the castle into different places around town.
See? It's a whole secret passage network connecting a bunch of places in the castle and a bunch of places around town. If I had found it earlier...
[ ... The sheepishness gets him. He frowns more and nods. ]
That's good. If you use it again and something feels weird, please tell me? I mean. Hard to lie to me anyway but...
[ He isn't ignoring the rest. He knows how it is. The reason he'd died in the Hydra was because he didn't want to do anything, but he's a little afraid of doing it again - selfishly afraid. ]
... It's possible it's just that you can't open it. There are lots of places you can't get into. Even with magick. [ He glances through the caverns. ] It makes sense, it's pretty common in fantasy stories for castles to have paths in and our in case of sieges and stuff.
[ But more importantly. ]
Maybe you could have helped more? Maybe you would have been safe?
[Sadly, completely unbeknownst to all, every time Cliff uses the artifact, he loses a minor memory. But what you don't know you've lost can't hurt you, right? And really, who needs memories of that time in second grade when there was good mac and cheese for lunch instead of broccoli pizza?
As Billy finishes his sentence for me, Cliff shakes his head slowly.]
I dunno.
...It might'a made a difference. Somehow.
[He pulls up the hood of his hoodie. ...It's actually a bit chilly down here underground, though that's not why he does it.]
These assholes are driving me crazy. I can't believe -- naw. I can believe. People are fucking idiots. Hearing even a single person defend the fucking fairies makes me wanna choke 'em out. And those fucking murderers out there are laughing it up that so many dipshits are falling over themselves to make excuses for 'em.
But now there's this.
If this shit ever happens again, I'll be prepared. I'm gonna stock up on food, build forts and traps, scour every path... And when the evil fucking pieces of shit show themselves again, I'll be ready.
Take it from me, please don't beat yourself up about it.
[ Billy shifts his weight. Lets the magic in his hand dispel as his eyes flick to a torch instead and it lights wordlessly as he listens. Mouth drying as he breathes out. ]
You won't hear me defending them, but I do think - there is something bigger out there than them. More powerful and they're targeting us - they have been for a while.
Like, the Fae aren't our only enemies I mean.
[ From the very beginning, but the Fae have wanted to act like it's normal. He flickers his attention back to the other. ]
Can't do shit about whatever the fuck that is. So I'm gonna focus on the shit I can see and feel. Maybe there's something more powerful out there, but the fairies sure as hell don't care about what they just did and they sure as hell would be totally fine to do it again.
Anyone apologizing for 'em deserves exactly what they get. Fucking dipshit cowards.
[At the question, he snorts.]
I want you to interrogate every motherfucker in this castle and find out who decided murder was right up their alley so I can see 'em bleed as much as we did.
...But I'm not gonna ask you to do that.
If you wanna though, it'd be a cool birthday present.
[ Quietly, Billy thinks they do need to worry more about the ones who are having some influence, but he's not going to say that. It's not like he disagrees that the Fae will go back to treating them as nothing more than pets that by their power they keep alive.
Like the dying doesn't matter. ]
[ He ducks his head. ]
I can't do that. I wouldn't anyway, but I stopped being able to hear the Fae a while ago.
[ This is perhaps not the 'who' of what Clint wanted. ]
I already said I’m not gonna ask you even though you could. Don’t try and talk around it.
You’re not good at lying.
[Not that Cliff is, either. In some strange way, his intents are too pure for him to care about manipulation and deception.]
There’s a bunch of people who decided they were all too happy to kill. To save their own hide or just cause they wanted to. The people protecting them… I’m not gonna forgive ‘em, either.
[ ... Billy's not going to mention that he's actually really good at lying. That his whole life has been a lie. He just tries not to with Cliff (not Clint, rip). ]
I could. [ He agrees quietly, exhaling. ] But I wouldn't even if you asked. I'm not using my powers that way.
[ Not to mention the eternal worry of what his powers can do. Rather he wants it to or not. He's also not going to mention he knows at least two people who would do the murdering and he wouldn't turn them over to Cliff, for a variety of reasons. ]
Is that why you don't want anyone to know about this, since you don't know who you can trust?
Secret passages are just passages if everyone knows about them. The fewer people know, the more useful this will be. I don’t even think most of the fae know about these.
[He shakes his head.]
Least, it doesn’t seem like these have been used in ages.
There’s a lot of shit we could do with this. But mostly… I mean, you could go dragonfly I guess if you want. [firefly] If that kind of shit happens again, you can hunker down in here. That’s why I’m showing you.
…Cause you’re a soft nerd.
[…]
And I mean, yeah, I already thought half these people were crazy before the hunt. Just cause we’re all in the same place doesn’t mean they’re good people.
[ He turns his eyes down a tunnel in consideration. ]
No, but they could help more people in the right hands.
[ Though he does wonder, if they know about them now how quickly it would take for the Fae to find out about them if others knew. Surely some of them could read minds, especially if more are blocked now. He is not saying that, either, but it is a quiet consideration. ]
[ His head tilting downwards as he exhales. Gray eyes stormy before he responds: ]
When I died with the hydra it was because I was trying to help protect people. If I see something, I'm not going to be able to turn away. No matter who it is. I won't. [ Because he is afraid of who he will be if he let's himself do that, because he doesn't want to accept a world where he can't do something.
He chews on the words before adding. ] I won't just try to die and if it comes to it I'll use it but - I can't.
[ Maybe that is what Vision meant about how they were born for this. His smile is rueful. ]
Definitely there are not good people here. [ He is one of them, he doesn't say that. ] But there isn't all good people everywhere.
I'm already 'the right hands.' If I won this shit and I'm sacrificing whatever it's costing me to get in here, then let's say it was meant to be. Not that I believe in that fate crap.
But like I said. I'm gonna build this place up. Stockpile shit.
If you tell anyone and this shit gets out, I'll murder you.
[This is spoken with perfect cheerfulness.]
And yeah, yeah, see. Soft nerd. I'm just saying, it's here if you need it. Pretty good, right? I told you I was gonna do something. [wasn't he just being super negative like, three days ago] The rest of those assholes can talk big all they want but I'm the only fucker who's gonna make something real.
This place goes down forever. Even if the fae find out, there's no way they can cover every single tunnel. Literally, I dunno if it ends.
[ Being called a soft nerd about who he is kind of stings. And he thinks, most of all, Cliff is still hurting. A lot. He's tentative when he reaches out a hand for the other boy. ]
[His tone maintains a chipper beat, but at the reach for his hand, he turns away. It's different from a few days ago, when he was simply so relieved to have Billy back it drowned out most everything else. Not everything can be fixed with hand holding and warm thoughts. Cliff isn't just hurt; his anger has evolved into a palpable roil that gnaws constantly at his mind.
Faced with the fact that a not insignificant number of people would happily commit murder and the fact that an even greater number of people would shield those killers out of (what he viewed as) cowardice and self-centered motives, he has come to the conclusion, more than ever, that practically no one deserves his trust. For Cliff, things were simple. Acts that hurt people needed to be punished. Ignoring this was exactly the same as helping it happen. He who had suffered at the hands of a monster for over a decade would be damned if he allowed any monster to roam around freely, unfettered, waiting for a chance to strike again.
But he hardly had the power to enact justice on his own. So he could play nice. Keep a low profile. Keep his eyes and ears open. Someday, they would slip up. The mask would fall. And the wolf would find its prey.
He had no delusions that this would be accomplished this week.
Bitterness, disgust, hatred, contempt have radiated out of him in heavy measure for days. But above all, determination. The anger is a fire that pushes him forward, cuts through the distractors, keeps him focused. It always has been. And here, with these tunnels, he had something to work on tangibly. He didn't trust that the fae didn't know about them. He wasn't naive. And he never trusted anything much, anyway. But he had seen enough that it didn't matter. There would certainly, at some point in the future, be a way he could use this to his advantage. To the advantage of everyone who deserved to get home.
He just needed to be smart about it.]
If you're not gonna use this to hide... [his voice isn't quiet, exactly, but it is more... somber.] then help me fix it. I want a stash down every tunnel. A defensive bunker every 1000 feet. Traps only we know about. 99% of what we do might be worthless, but hey. So far that number's been at 100%.
[Not a single thing any of the Adopted had done had been helpful last week.]
[ Billy tilts his head away, hands burrowing into his pockets as he tries to ignore the sensations that come off of Cliff. They're not new ones. And rather the other boy realizes it or not, by living with him, Billy's way more aware of this stuff than he was before and Cliff isn't usually quiet. In any sense of the word. The guilt ways on him, the knowledge that there's people he knows who did probably do something - though he's yet to confront either. ]
[ He's not going to tell Cliff that, though, because he wants to hope it's not the case. And then - well - it complicates matters, doesn't it? ]
[ But he wonders what he's done to earn trust that Cliff so frequently doesn't want to give others. Cliff didn't even meet him in the beginning, not really, and now - Now, he's grateful for him even if he doesn't think the other boy will want to hear it. He thinks showing him this is some weird sense of gratefulness, too. ]
[ `If you're not going to...` His head tilts upwards, mouth twitching. At least the other doesn't argue with him about it, even if he thinks he's soft. An exhale. ]
I'll help, but it's going to be hard. There's not a lot of, say, non-perishable food here and water goes bad. Maybe there's some magick to figure out but...
[ A beat. ]
I'm not going to let you go through anything alone.
[Cliff responds to the most important thing that Billy says first.]
...Water goes bad?
[This seems absurd. Water was water. It had no right to go bad. There was absolutely no reason for it to do that; completely unreasonable thing to be participating in, really. He swings around, his expressive face softening into a relieved smile.]
Yeah?
[Whether he takes it this way or not, 'soft' is Cliff's way of acknowledging certain things about Billy. Acknowledging that Billy was kind, kinder than anyone really should be. That it was this kindness that had laid the path to the friendship between them, even if it wasn't exactly Billy at first. That Billy was the one who refused to allow Cliff's self-hatred and anger to swallow him, that he always tried to bring out the good in him.
That was soft. And gently mocking though it was (this is how Men Show Affection, after all), it is an acknowledgment that Billy is a far better person than Cliff could ever hope to be. An affectionate nickname, laced in faux derision.
And it was why he wouldn't ask Billy to participate in his rage-fueled justice-seeking interrogation. Even if he could. It wasn't something Billy would do. He knew that well enough.]
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no subject
[ - Well, there's that. He blinks in confusion. ]
If you keep going on about it, maybe I will think you're in love with me.
[ A wry remark - it wasn't even him! They'd moved on, right? Probably. But he'll watch all the same. Fake bookshelf? ]
I hope you're not trying to take me to some secret murder dungeon.
[ as he summons electric blue energy to his hand to act as light and steps in after him. ]
no subject
[There are some fairy people he'd probably be up to murder in a dungeon. It's good that Billy summons some light because the passageways are quite dim and poorly lit. The general trajectory is a diagonal slope downwards, leading deep underground. They walk for some time in relative silence.
At some point, Cliff pops into wolf form to sniff around and find the right trail. Some of the branches are marked by torches; others are not.]
...I used that artifact I talked to you about.
The one that reveals secrets.
no subject
[ Are you going to murder him and take the shoppe, Cliff? He thinks about lighting some of the torches, but decides not to keeping instead the blue glow of his own power up as they walk. ]
[ He sucks in a breath at the admission and his first and most important question: ]
No weird consequences?
no subject
[He admits, a little sheepishly. He knew Billy would be the only one who would be concerned about that, given their previous conversations.]
It mighta eaten some of my soul or something. But after everything that happened, I couldn't just sit around and twiddle my thumbs. And... if it's gonna help you out, too. Probably worth it.
Some of these tunnels lead back up into the castle. There are a few entrances. Maybe all of them do, and I just can't figure out how to make 'em open. But...
[They walk, onwards and onwards.]
All of these [and here they descend into a larger cavern with seven tunnels in various directions] lead out of the castle into different places around town.
See? It's a whole secret passage network connecting a bunch of places in the castle and a bunch of places around town. If I had found it earlier...
[He trails off.]
no subject
That's good. If you use it again and something feels weird, please tell me? I mean. Hard to lie to me anyway but...
[ He isn't ignoring the rest. He knows how it is. The reason he'd died in the Hydra was because he didn't want to do anything, but he's a little afraid of doing it again - selfishly afraid. ]
... It's possible it's just that you can't open it. There are lots of places you can't get into. Even with magick. [ He glances through the caverns. ] It makes sense, it's pretty common in fantasy stories for castles to have paths in and our in case of sieges and stuff.
[ But more importantly. ]
Maybe you could have helped more? Maybe you would have been safe?
no subject
As Billy finishes his sentence for me, Cliff shakes his head slowly.]
I dunno.
...It might'a made a difference. Somehow.
[He pulls up the hood of his hoodie. ...It's actually a bit chilly down here underground, though that's not why he does it.]
These assholes are driving me crazy. I can't believe -- naw. I can believe. People are fucking idiots. Hearing even a single person defend the fucking fairies makes me wanna choke 'em out. And those fucking murderers out there are laughing it up that so many dipshits are falling over themselves to make excuses for 'em.
But now there's this.
If this shit ever happens again, I'll be prepared. I'm gonna stock up on food, build forts and traps, scour every path... And when the evil fucking pieces of shit show themselves again, I'll be ready.
And maybe they'll be the ones hunted next time.
no subject
Take it from me, please don't beat yourself up about it.
[ Billy shifts his weight. Lets the magic in his hand dispel as his eyes flick to a torch instead and it lights wordlessly as he listens. Mouth drying as he breathes out. ]
You won't hear me defending them, but I do think - there is something bigger out there than them. More powerful and they're targeting us - they have been for a while.
Like, the Fae aren't our only enemies I mean.
[ From the very beginning, but the Fae have wanted to act like it's normal. He flickers his attention back to the other. ]
... what do you want me to do?
no subject
Can't do shit about whatever the fuck that is. So I'm gonna focus on the shit I can see and feel. Maybe there's something more powerful out there, but the fairies sure as hell don't care about what they just did and they sure as hell would be totally fine to do it again.
Anyone apologizing for 'em deserves exactly what they get. Fucking dipshit cowards.
[At the question, he snorts.]
I want you to interrogate every motherfucker in this castle and find out who decided murder was right up their alley so I can see 'em bleed as much as we did.
...But I'm not gonna ask you to do that.
If you wanna though, it'd be a cool birthday present.
no subject
Like the dying doesn't matter. ]
[ He ducks his head. ]
I can't do that. I wouldn't anyway, but I stopped being able to hear the Fae a while ago.
[ This is perhaps not the 'who' of what Clint wanted. ]
no subject
[Cliff rolls his eyes and turns away.]
I already said I’m not gonna ask you even though you could. Don’t try and talk around it.
You’re not good at lying.
[Not that Cliff is, either. In some strange way, his intents are too pure for him to care about manipulation and deception.]
There’s a bunch of people who decided they were all too happy to kill. To save their own hide or just cause they wanted to. The people protecting them… I’m not gonna forgive ‘em, either.
Cowards.
no subject
I could. [ He agrees quietly, exhaling. ] But I wouldn't even if you asked. I'm not using my powers that way.
[ Not to mention the eternal worry of what his powers can do. Rather he wants it to or not. He's also not going to mention he knows at least two people who would do the murdering and he wouldn't turn them over to Cliff, for a variety of reasons. ]
Is that why you don't want anyone to know about this, since you don't know who you can trust?
no subject
[He shakes his head.]
Least, it doesn’t seem like these have been used in ages.
There’s a lot of shit we could do with this. But mostly… I mean, you could go dragonfly I guess if you want. [firefly] If that kind of shit happens again, you can hunker down in here. That’s why I’m showing you.
…Cause you’re a soft nerd.
[…]
And I mean, yeah, I already thought half these people were crazy before the hunt. Just cause we’re all in the same place doesn’t mean they’re good people.
no subject
No, but they could help more people in the right hands.
[ Though he does wonder, if they know about them now how quickly it would take for the Fae to find out about them if others knew. Surely some of them could read minds, especially if more are blocked now. He is not saying that, either, but it is a quiet consideration. ]
[ His head tilting downwards as he exhales. Gray eyes stormy before he responds: ]
When I died with the hydra it was because I was trying to help protect people. If I see something, I'm not going to be able to turn away. No matter who it is. I won't. [ Because he is afraid of who he will be if he let's himself do that, because he doesn't want to accept a world where he can't do something.
He chews on the words before adding. ] I won't just try to die and if it comes to it I'll use it but - I can't.
[ Maybe that is what Vision meant about how they were born for this. His smile is rueful. ]
Definitely there are not good people here. [ He is one of them, he doesn't say that. ] But there isn't all good people everywhere.
no subject
But like I said. I'm gonna build this place up. Stockpile shit.
If you tell anyone and this shit gets out, I'll murder you.
[This is spoken with perfect cheerfulness.]
And yeah, yeah, see. Soft nerd. I'm just saying, it's here if you need it. Pretty good, right? I told you I was gonna do something. [wasn't he just being super negative like, three days ago] The rest of those assholes can talk big all they want but I'm the only fucker who's gonna make something real.
This place goes down forever. Even if the fae find out, there's no way they can cover every single tunnel. Literally, I dunno if it ends.
no subject
[ The response is pointed and he breathes out.]
Murder when I'd just come back, nice.
[ Being called a soft nerd about who he is kind of stings. And he thinks, most of all, Cliff is still hurting. A lot. He's tentative when he reaches out a hand for the other boy. ]
no subject
[His tone maintains a chipper beat, but at the reach for his hand, he turns away. It's different from a few days ago, when he was simply so relieved to have Billy back it drowned out most everything else. Not everything can be fixed with hand holding and warm thoughts. Cliff isn't just hurt; his anger has evolved into a palpable roil that gnaws constantly at his mind.
Faced with the fact that a not insignificant number of people would happily commit murder and the fact that an even greater number of people would shield those killers out of (what he viewed as) cowardice and self-centered motives, he has come to the conclusion, more than ever, that practically no one deserves his trust. For Cliff, things were simple. Acts that hurt people needed to be punished. Ignoring this was exactly the same as helping it happen. He who had suffered at the hands of a monster for over a decade would be damned if he allowed any monster to roam around freely, unfettered, waiting for a chance to strike again.
But he hardly had the power to enact justice on his own. So he could play nice. Keep a low profile. Keep his eyes and ears open. Someday, they would slip up. The mask would fall. And the wolf would find its prey.
He had no delusions that this would be accomplished this week.
Bitterness, disgust, hatred, contempt have radiated out of him in heavy measure for days. But above all, determination. The anger is a fire that pushes him forward, cuts through the distractors, keeps him focused. It always has been. And here, with these tunnels, he had something to work on tangibly. He didn't trust that the fae didn't know about them. He wasn't naive. And he never trusted anything much, anyway. But he had seen enough that it didn't matter. There would certainly, at some point in the future, be a way he could use this to his advantage. To the advantage of everyone who deserved to get home.
He just needed to be smart about it.]
If you're not gonna use this to hide... [his voice isn't quiet, exactly, but it is more... somber.] then help me fix it. I want a stash down every tunnel. A defensive bunker every 1000 feet. Traps only we know about. 99% of what we do might be worthless, but hey. So far that number's been at 100%.
[Not a single thing any of the Adopted had done had been helpful last week.]
So we just gotta make room for a 1%.
[...]
Also I'm gonna get fucking bored down here alone.
no subject
[ He's not going to tell Cliff that, though, because he wants to hope it's not the case. And then - well - it complicates matters, doesn't it? ]
[ But he wonders what he's done to earn trust that Cliff so frequently doesn't want to give others. Cliff didn't even meet him in the beginning, not really, and now - Now, he's grateful for him even if he doesn't think the other boy will want to hear it. He thinks showing him this is some weird sense of gratefulness, too. ]
[ `If you're not going to...` His head tilts upwards, mouth twitching. At least the other doesn't argue with him about it, even if he thinks he's soft. An exhale. ]
I'll help, but it's going to be hard. There's not a lot of, say, non-perishable food here and water goes bad. Maybe there's some magick to figure out but...
[ A beat. ]
I'm not going to let you go through anything alone.
At least, as long as I have a choice.
no subject
...Water goes bad?
[This seems absurd. Water was water. It had no right to go bad. There was absolutely no reason for it to do that; completely unreasonable thing to be participating in, really. He swings around, his expressive face softening into a relieved smile.]
Yeah?
[Whether he takes it this way or not, 'soft' is Cliff's way of acknowledging certain things about Billy. Acknowledging that Billy was kind, kinder than anyone really should be. That it was this kindness that had laid the path to the friendship between them, even if it wasn't exactly Billy at first. That Billy was the one who refused to allow Cliff's self-hatred and anger to swallow him, that he always tried to bring out the good in him.
That was soft. And gently mocking though it was (this is how Men Show Affection, after all), it is an acknowledgment that Billy is a far better person than Cliff could ever hope to be. An affectionate nickname, laced in faux derision.
And it was why he wouldn't ask Billy to participate in his rage-fueled justice-seeking interrogation. Even if he could. It wasn't something Billy would do. He knew that well enough.]
Thanks.
...Knew I could count on you.