And here I was, worried you were about to tell me you have a grass allergy! It's up to you, though.
[Attached is a picture of a clearing in the forest. That's all. No other clues.]
Be seeing you.
[Whenever he does find Loki, he'll find him all set up on a little green picnic blanket. He's dressed in modern clothing: jeans, a green v-neck, and no horns. He thinks it's funny when everyone else is stuck in cosplay.]
developing a grass allergy right now would be sincerely disappointing
[ and not just because of proposed picnic dates talks, though that'd suck too. ]
I think I know where you are. I'll be there soon.
[ It's a little longer than William would have taken properly, actually, because Phoenix isn't quite as sure. Phoenix is also not someone to come without something so he brings light butter croissant. Like Loki he's dressed casually - jeans and a dark sweater, still eye-linered - and smiles a little when he sees him. ]
[Loki grins, and gestures for him to join him on the blanket. From the picnic basket he pulls out two sugary iced coffees, cutely prepared in mason jars with chocolate drizzles and whipped cream.]
Let me know if it's not to your tastes. I never cared for Midgardian food before, [Before he died. Back when he was a bitter old man who detested Midgard.] but I'm impressed by how many things they can turn into desserts. And ah, do let me know what I should call you. I've gotten the sense that "Billy Kaplan" isn't quite right.
[ The teenager grins in turn and moves to sit down on the blanket next to him. Placing the basket of croissants next to the drinks he shakes his head. ]
The fact you made anything at all means that is to my tastes. [ Lightly said, because that matters to him more than any taste. He's not going to admit that he's not sure what Midgardian food means or if he's sure he's had much of it. Estorian food is, at least, not dissimilar. ]
[ He might have commented about how much can be made into desserts, because he spends so much time cooking and baking he knows that for a fact. He might have, but the question earns a pause from moving to getting the drink. A small flinch and an exhale as he answers: ]
I wouldn't call it wrong. It's better than either of the other options. [ He says after a moment, quieting as he takes a drink to mull over how to answer, then after a moment: ] ... but that's part of the story, it's hard to hear? I go by Phoenix. Which is, admittedly, way too on the nose now.
And you're encroaching on another superhero's turf. Shame on you, Phoenix!
[He's teasing, but can you blame him? The joke is right there. ... Not that he probably gets it. Oh well, Loki thinks it's funny and that's all that matters.]
I assume this is all connected to the amnesia and Estorian legends and whatever other things you mentioned. From what I can gather, you're from another timeline or universe than the Billy Kaplan who was here before you.
[ The joke does miss, because of course it does. ] My Family usually names themselves after birds and I've always loved magick. In any universe.
[ somehow he missed naming himself merlin. Another small nod and he takes a drink, tries to swallow back something at hearing his name again. ] The amnesia is and it isn't. He's also amnesiac. I just have - [ a beat ] - more of it then him. Lucky me.
It's like an organization? Each family has different motivations and morals, but also different job industries. People join them, or in my case, get adopted because they're amnesiac.
[ He's not going to explain further. That he was fourteen and found with Dove and they didn't want to leave each other. A small frown, as the other's thoughts wash over him. Half a laugh, ]
[His smile fades away. Yep, it's a big question, but... what will it change if someone knows who he is in this realm? Thor's not here, and it's possible the future Loki had already shared their tale with others. And there is that self-destructive part of him that thinks it's for the best if he tells Phoenix. Then he'll know what sort of god he truly is.
So, he takes a deep breath and answers,]
I'm not afraid. Not of this form. I'm quite fond of it, actually. But it does fill me with an overwhelming sense of guilt, I've admitted that much already.
[He closes his eyes and takes another breath. As always, he sees that boy, his mouth covered in blood. He opens his eyes and continues,]
I killed the Loki before me. This was his body before I took it for myself.
[ It's a big question and he knows it the moment it leaves his lips. Loki's frown is met with a brief apologetic smile, but he doesn't take it back. The other is free to decline answering and he'd not ask further - even if his mind speaks its secrets anyway. ]
[ A nod to the guilt- now he almost says its okay not to continue but the thought presses down first. ]
Oh.
[ It's a small sound. It's not of shock or hatred or - No, its just oh a sense of recognition and understanding that may not be quite right. For a moment he drinks and then asks: ]
[But there really is only so much you can say in defense of killing an innocent child. If Phoenix wishes to hear it, though, he'll oblige.]
The original Loki, once the relatively harmless God of Mischief, came to be known as the God of Evil. He was a useless villain, whose main purpose in life was to lose so that the Avengers could win. He tired of this monotony, and one day, he hatched a scheme.
And Loki died. He sacrificed himself to save Asgard, or so it appeared.
He was soon reincarnated, for Loki had made a deal with Hela so that he would never truly die. But the reincarnated Loki was but a boy, who had no memories of his past life. This child was thrust into a world that hated him, filled to the brim with those who wanted him dead.
It is no wonder then, that this child came to question why he existed in the first place. Why had Loki died? He chased this riddle all the way into the dot on the question mark.
There, he met me. An echo of the Loki that once was. The boy asked me his questions and I answered, that I had wanted to change. Loki agreed with me, to an extent. He too wanted to change, to prove that he was different from his past self. But the past is in the past, and he was Loki now, not me. He relegated me to his pet. I would be Ikol, his opposite. A mere magpie.
I helped the boy along on his journey, as animal sidekicks are want to do. I provided sarcastic commentary here and there, information on his past life when he asked, and near constant companionship.
Loki thought little of the time I took to myself. What could I even be doing? I was a bird. I was probably just eating worms or pruning myself, he figured. But I was biding my time. Watching as the boy's own schemes developed and waiting for the time to strike.
It took less than a year for one of his plans to backfire substantially. On one of his previous adventures, Loki had created a crown of pure fearstuff, sourced directly from his own mind. And he left it for the fear gods to fight over, a perfect hot potato MacGuffin that would never be used because they were too busy killing each other. Or so he thought. A little birdie happened to tell Mephisto of this crown. He dealt with those lesser beings easily, claiming Loki's fear all for himself and all the power that came along with it. Mephisto was poised to take over the Nine Realms, and it was all thanks to Loki. Pure and innocent Loki.
I informed the boy of this, and I told him the options he had before him. Let Mephisto win, or... allow me to kill him. If Loki were to die, his fear would die with him. This whole plot could be easily avoided. I would take over his body, and live on in his place.
Why? he asked me again. Why did Loki do it? That's always the question it comes down to.
Because I wanted to change. I wanted to be the Loki who won. That was the old Loki's plan from the start, for the boy to earn their trust with his good deeds so that his spirit might then take advantage of that position.
And the boy was good, truly good. He had changed. He had no choice but to agree to my plan, though he hated every second of it. And so I killed him.
Asgard was saved. The boy was dead. And I found myself as the new Loki, the beloved little rascal who had proven he was different from the Loki of the past.
Re: cw: more child death from this point on also metaphorical suicide
[ Phoenix listens without interruption. He listens, takes it in, categorizes this and that and stills. A quiet force as he considers what to say for several long stretching moments when the other finishes. ]
... I'm not saying you - he? - didn't do anything wrong. You manipulated him, but it also sounds like -
[ A pause to find the words. ]
You were narrated into a life that was cruel. No one is truly ever entirely evil - I believe that. And we play the roles expected of us are, like, forced into them. A role where you're only seen as one thing and will always be the one to fail and lose? To never figure out who you could be?
That is cruel.
You may have manipulated him, but maybe that's the way the story was supposed to go, too? It was still from his own choices, I mean.
[ ... ]
Mostly, if that part of you that survived was truly irredeemable and evil, then it wouldn't feel guilty. It wouldn't be trying like you are now.
[It's a kind and considerate response. Perhaps kinder than he deserves, but he won't let that thought fester.]
That's what I've tried to tell myself. As of late, at least. When I first awoke in his body, I tried to ignore all those feelings and continue on with my evil plan. But my guilt was so great that it ended up taking a form of its own, a construct that tortured me until I admitted what I had done.
[To the Young Avengers, at least. Thor still doesn't know.]
You can see why I might hesitate when it comes to my future self here, though. Everyone can say all the nice platitudes they want, but I would be refusing my own character development if I actively chose to stay to like this.
[ Earnestly given. He takes another sip of his drink. ]
... I'm not trying to give you nice platitudes. I don't think you're all good, I don't think you're all evil either... But, I can understand if you feel you need to go back.
[ another beat ]
Can I show you something? You won't think it's exactly the same and it's not, but I'll show you. If you want to see it.
I hope you won't take offense if I say that's brave of you and I hope it goes well.
[ Because it feels important to see. Especially if, as Loki says, this might be an exchange for all of them that is temporary. (He doesn't want that). Selfishly, he hopes this is all just a really long performance. ]
I do. But it does mean me showing you here - [ he taps his forehead for emphasis and smiles a little, ] I wouldn't be looking, just showing though.
Well, I am a very brave and heroic god, so why would I be offended?
[He's joking.]
Phoenix, this is hardly my first mind rodeo, though I suppose I should be grateful you ask first, unlike Amora. Go ahead.
[Wait, one little note!]
Still, I suggest you make certain to keep to strictly showing not out of bashfulness, but because I don't want to overload your mind in return. Thousands of years of memories at once can be a lot to handle.
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text | un: loki
Re: text | un: loki
I'd like that.
Castle kitchens again or somewhere else?
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i mean in a good way oh
that sounds nice
when did you want to go? should i bring something?
-> action
It's up to you, though.
[Attached is a picture of a clearing in the forest. That's all. No other clues.]
Be seeing you.
[Whenever he does find Loki, he'll find him all set up on a little green picnic blanket. He's dressed in modern clothing: jeans, a green v-neck, and no horns. He thinks it's funny when everyone else is stuck in cosplay.]
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[ and not just because of proposed picnic
datestalks, though that'd suck too. ]I think I know where you are. I'll be there soon.
[ It's a little longer than William would have taken properly, actually, because Phoenix isn't quite as sure. Phoenix is also not someone to come without something so he brings light butter croissant. Like Loki he's dressed casually - jeans and a dark sweater, still eye-linered - and smiles a little when he sees him. ]
Hey. So looks like I found you?
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[Loki grins, and gestures for him to join him on the blanket. From the picnic basket he pulls out two sugary iced coffees, cutely prepared in mason jars with chocolate drizzles and whipped cream.]
Let me know if it's not to your tastes. I never cared for Midgardian food before, [Before he died. Back when he was a bitter old man who detested Midgard.] but I'm impressed by how many things they can turn into desserts. And ah, do let me know what I should call you. I've gotten the sense that "Billy Kaplan" isn't quite right.
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The fact you made anything at all means that is to my tastes. [ Lightly said, because that matters to him more than any taste. He's not going to admit that he's not sure what Midgardian food means or if he's sure he's had much of it. Estorian food is, at least, not dissimilar. ]
[ He might have commented about how much can be made into desserts, because he spends so much time cooking and baking he knows that for a fact. He might have, but the question earns a pause from moving to getting the drink. A small flinch and an exhale as he answers: ]
I wouldn't call it wrong. It's better than either of the other options. [ He says after a moment, quieting as he takes a drink to mull over how to answer, then after a moment: ] ... but that's part of the story, it's hard to hear? I go by Phoenix. Which is, admittedly, way too on the nose now.
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[He's teasing, but can you blame him? The joke is right there. ... Not that he probably gets it. Oh well, Loki thinks it's funny and that's all that matters.]
I assume this is all connected to the amnesia and Estorian legends and whatever other things you mentioned. From what I can gather, you're from another timeline or universe than the Billy Kaplan who was here before you.
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[ The joke does miss, because of course it does. ] My Family usually names themselves after birds and I've always loved magick. In any universe.
[ somehow he missed naming himself merlin. Another small nod and he takes a drink, tries to swallow back something at hearing his name again. ] The amnesia is and it isn't. He's also amnesiac. I just have - [ a beat ] - more of it then him. Lucky me.
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There's another little twist too, for this Loki was a magpie before he was a man. What a dreadful form.
Loki takes a sip of his own coffee to distract himself from those memories, and focuses once more on Phoenix.]
Lucky you. You can forge ahead, unburdened by the past.
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[ He's not going to explain further. That he was fourteen and found with Dove and they didn't want to leave each other. A small frown, as the other's thoughts wash over him. Half a laugh, ]
If that was the case, it'd be way easier.
[ A beat. ]
What about you?
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[Which is an extremely YA tropey premise.]
What about me?
[he repeats playfully. Yes, he's well aware he set this up to be an exchange of stories. He's just having his fun.]
What would you like to know? That might be the best starting point.
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Maybe it is given the whole most of the population can't even understand what's happening to us part.
[ which is also very YA (in both ways). ]
[ Phoenix rolls his eyes with a gesture of: you know. Takes another drink and then offers: ]
You can totally not answer if it's too big of a question and sorry, like, if it is... I might also be wrong, but why are you afraid of this form?
cw: child death
So, he takes a deep breath and answers,]
I'm not afraid. Not of this form. I'm quite fond of it, actually. But it does fill me with an overwhelming sense of guilt, I've admitted that much already.
[He closes his eyes and takes another breath. As always, he sees that boy, his mouth covered in blood. He opens his eyes and continues,]
I killed the Loki before me. This was his body before I took it for myself.
Re: cw: child death
[ A nod to the guilt- now he almost says its okay not to continue but the thought presses down first. ]
Oh.
[ It's a small sound. It's not of shock or hatred or - No, its just oh a sense of recognition and understanding that may not be quite right. For a moment he drinks and then asks: ]
Did you mean to do it?
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[There are plenty of excuses he could give, how he was merely the tool of the killer, but does it matter? After all,]
I planned his demise from the start. And it was easy. He never even suspected me.
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- but it was more complicated than that, right?
cw: more child death from this point on also metaphorical suicide
[But there really is only so much you can say in defense of killing an innocent child. If Phoenix wishes to hear it, though, he'll oblige.]
The original Loki, once the relatively harmless God of Mischief, came to be known as the God of Evil. He was a useless villain, whose main purpose in life was to lose so that the Avengers could win. He tired of this monotony, and one day, he hatched a scheme.
And Loki died. He sacrificed himself to save Asgard, or so it appeared.
He was soon reincarnated, for Loki had made a deal with Hela so that he would never truly die. But the reincarnated Loki was but a boy, who had no memories of his past life. This child was thrust into a world that hated him, filled to the brim with those who wanted him dead.
It is no wonder then, that this child came to question why he existed in the first place. Why had Loki died? He chased this riddle all the way into the dot on the question mark.
There, he met me. An echo of the Loki that once was. The boy asked me his questions and I answered, that I had wanted to change. Loki agreed with me, to an extent. He too wanted to change, to prove that he was different from his past self. But the past is in the past, and he was Loki now, not me. He relegated me to his pet. I would be Ikol, his opposite. A mere magpie.
I helped the boy along on his journey, as animal sidekicks are want to do. I provided sarcastic commentary here and there, information on his past life when he asked, and near constant companionship.
Loki thought little of the time I took to myself. What could I even be doing? I was a bird. I was probably just eating worms or pruning myself, he figured. But I was biding my time. Watching as the boy's own schemes developed and waiting for the time to strike.
It took less than a year for one of his plans to backfire substantially. On one of his previous adventures, Loki had created a crown of pure fearstuff, sourced directly from his own mind. And he left it for the fear gods to fight over, a perfect hot potato MacGuffin that would never be used because they were too busy killing each other. Or so he thought. A little birdie happened to tell Mephisto of this crown. He dealt with those lesser beings easily, claiming Loki's fear all for himself and all the power that came along with it. Mephisto was poised to take over the Nine Realms, and it was all thanks to Loki. Pure and innocent Loki.
I informed the boy of this, and I told him the options he had before him. Let Mephisto win, or... allow me to kill him. If Loki were to die, his fear would die with him. This whole plot could be easily avoided. I would take over his body, and live on in his place.
Why? he asked me again. Why did Loki do it? That's always the question it comes down to.
Because I wanted to change. I wanted to be the Loki who won. That was the old Loki's plan from the start, for the boy to earn their trust with his good deeds so that his spirit might then take advantage of that position.
And the boy was good, truly good. He had changed. He had no choice but to agree to my plan, though he hated every second of it. And so I killed him.
Asgard was saved. The boy was dead. And I found myself as the new Loki, the beloved little rascal who had proven he was different from the Loki of the past.
Re: cw: more child death from this point on also metaphorical suicide
... I'm not saying you - he? - didn't do anything wrong. You manipulated him, but it also sounds like -
[ A pause to find the words. ]
You were narrated into a life that was cruel. No one is truly ever entirely evil - I believe that. And we play the roles expected of us are, like, forced into them. A role where you're only seen as one thing and will always be the one to fail and lose? To never figure out who you could be?
That is cruel.
You may have manipulated him, but maybe that's the way the story was supposed to go, too? It was still from his own choices, I mean.
[ ... ]
Mostly, if that part of you that survived was truly irredeemable and evil, then it wouldn't feel guilty. It wouldn't be trying like you are now.
no subject
That's what I've tried to tell myself. As of late, at least. When I first awoke in his body, I tried to ignore all those feelings and continue on with my evil plan. But my guilt was so great that it ended up taking a form of its own, a construct that tortured me until I admitted what I had done.
[To the Young Avengers, at least. Thor still doesn't know.]
You can see why I might hesitate when it comes to my future self here, though. Everyone can say all the nice platitudes they want, but I would be refusing my own character development if I actively chose to stay to like this.
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[ Earnestly given. He takes another sip of his drink. ]
... I'm not trying to give you nice platitudes. I don't think you're all good, I don't think you're all evil either... But, I can understand if you feel you need to go back.
[ another beat ]
Can I show you something? You won't think it's exactly the same and it's not, but I'll show you. If you want to see it.
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[Loki takes a looooong sip of his iced coffee, having ignored it while telling his story.]
If you wish to show it to me, then I would like to see it.
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[ Because it feels important to see. Especially if, as Loki says, this might be an exchange for all of them that is temporary. (He doesn't want that). Selfishly, he hopes this is all just a really long performance. ]
I do. But it does mean me showing you here - [ he taps his forehead for emphasis and smiles a little, ] I wouldn't be looking, just showing though.
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[He's joking.]
Phoenix, this is hardly my first mind rodeo, though I suppose I should be grateful you ask first, unlike Amora. Go ahead.
[Wait, one little note!]
Still, I suggest you make certain to keep to strictly showing not out of bashfulness, but because I don't want to overload your mind in return. Thousands of years of memories at once can be a lot to handle.
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