restitui | limelight

No, I know. It's less that I think it'll change how they act and more that... I don't know. It just feels weird wanting them to think I can handle things when I've kind of been avoiding something that big, if that makes more sense.

[nodding, and giving his hand a squeeze in turn]

Yeah. Whatever happens - you'll be the first to hear about it once I know.

It'll change how you feel? How you perceive yourself? For the record, everyone treats visions differently. I think it's still pretty brave to be able to go "no this isn't for me and I don't want to handle it right now," versus obsessively looking at them. Speaking as the obsessive one.

Hopefully, it'll be something you're happy to tell me about.

I don't think you're obsessive. And I think, like, the more I thought about it after the last Performance, the more I realized... If I don't know for sure what happened to him, I'm always going to be kind of wondering and worrying, even if I know it doesn't need to affect me.

I hope so, too.

Is this the part where I tell you I was the primary reason Unholy scored as high as it did in the secrets performance?

[ it's a quick joke because he's more focused on the rest. ]

I get it - it's always felt like if I didn't watch them then I'd be denying his being real which felt pretty cruel considering his whole thing? [ He shakes his his head a little. ] What was it about the performance? Just hearing about a whole family that disappeared or...?

No, it's more like... I guess it wasn't the Performance itself, it was thinking afterwards that I wished I'd been able to do more there, and I was worried people were trying to shield me from it, and then I realized it's maybe not fair of me to try and act like I'm really responsible and can handle a bunch of stuff when it kind of felt like I was running from the visions because they scared me. You know?

... Yeah, I get it.

You want to be able to be there for them when they need it, too, and this is kind of the first step to it?

[nods]

Yeah. I don't want to be the kind of person who runs away from something because I'm scared, and - I think that's why I've been hesitating so long.

[ squeezes his hand again. ]

... You're not running away now, are you? [ lightly, encouragingly. ] You should do it. And if you start acting weird or feeling weird, you have like all of Sun Sign to sit on you.

Yeah. And - I'll tell you if I ever start feeling like that, promise.

Thank you.

Good, because I don't want you going through those kind of feelings alone.

[ tilts his head, ]

You don't have anything to thank me for?

No, I definitely do. Being really supportive and kind and amazing, for starters.

All things you deserve and need, so I'm happy to give it.

... but this does mean I have to look at mine sooner than later, too. I can't be afraid of him.

Oh - you don't have to. I mean, you definitely can if that's what you want, just... I don't want you to feel pressured or anything just because I'm gonna start again.

I don't feel pressured and I don't want you to change what you're doing.

I'm not sure I want to consider others right now... but I think I at least have to look at the one with Tommy in it or I might not relax.

...Okay. Do you want me there while you watch it?

If you want to be there, I won't say no.

Of course I do. Whenever you want.

[ munches on pizza for a moment. ]

Before considering that - any other worries left?

[shaking his head]

No, that's it.

Then after we're done with our pizza? If you're up for it.

Of course. Whenever.

[ squeezes his hand ]

Let's finish eating first. You can tell me something good that's happened today -?

[ trying to play it cool and Not let more nervous energy consume him. ]

I got to meet new people earlier today!

[ munching. ]

Yeah? I was there for a little bit before Snow and I left. Did you have fun?

I did. But - is Snow okay? Why'd you guys leave?

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