restitui: (Default)
Billy M̶a̶x̶i̶m̶o̶f̶f̶ Kaplan 🖤 Wiccan ([personal profile] restitui) wrote2023-11-22 11:34 am

[community profile] pixieled inbox

XIV
TEMPERANCE
fuckingitup: (Surprise)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-09 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
I... might have!

It's, uh. Not that kind of relationship, though.

[And now there is the sound of furious snarling and Cliff yelping and Billy is met with the lovely sight of Cliff swaddling one tiny horrible lizard creature that looks exceedingly angry about many things, not least of which is its existence.]

Surprise, I'm a dad?

[The miniature T. rex takes this moment to escape from Cliff's iron grip and starts thrashing about the floor of the store with its stubby little arms and massive bite.]
fuckingitup: (Unsure)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-09 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
Noooooo, but it's cold and he's a lizard. He'll die.

[Is that how biology works??]

Don't you want Greg to have a friend?

[The beagle-sized T. Rex starts to viciously destroy a rack of jeans.]

...Don't you want Greg to have a friend he admires from a distance with a strong door between them?

Also you can literally make infinite clothes.
fuckingitup: (Doubt)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-09 05:06 am (UTC)(link)
Greg is old, he has limited time to make new friends before he shuffles off the mortal coil.

[Cliff scoops up the horrible monster and is rewarded with it chomping down on his hand.]

-- Fuck!

Look, how awesome would it be to have a pet T. Rex, c'mon. It'll grow on you.

[The creature swings its head towards Billy and stares at him with dead predacious lizard eyes that are clearly processing how best to consume his flesh and strip his bones.

After a moment of this, it opens its mouth and screams - presumably this would be a roar normally, but at this size, it's more of a shrieking howl.]


See? He likes you!
fuckingitup: (Smile)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-09 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
Yaaaaaaaaaay.

[He actually says 'yaaaaaaaay' like a small child which is something that will never leave his mouth ever again, so cherish that. The T. Rex also says 'yay,' by which we mean it starts to swipe in the air in Billy's general direction, fantasizing about tearing off his skin.]

You're the best. OK, how hard can that be? I'll just get some wood and uh. Nails.

[Billy doesn't need to be a witch to foresee a future in which this monster gets loose in less than 24 hours and kills every small animal within 10 miles of their house.

But just look at Cliff beam! It's probably worth it.]
fuckingitup: (Satisfaction)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-09 06:09 am (UTC)(link)
[As Cliff tries to keep the thing immobile in his hoodie and casually begins to back out the door, he will offer a brief explanation.]

Oh, and I'm gonna call him Deathbringer.

[Of course.]

There was this angel who said she could do stuff to make people happy so I sarcastically told her to make me a T Rex and then she did except she only makes tiny animals for some reason.

[...]

Then I told her to stop making things come to life 'cause that was a terrible idea and super irresponsible but someone's gotta take care of this guy now. [A shrug.] I'm pretty much Mother Teresa. But just for abandoned miniature dinos.
Edited 2025-12-09 06:09 (UTC)
fuckingitup: (Shrug)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-10 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
...OK after begging you to let us keep Deathbringer, the only thing I can say is that sounds totally fair and also it's your house anyway, sort of kind of. [the fae's house, maybe?]

But also if it's someone I hate, I'm TPing their room.

[...]

......................................................................Oh my god.

You're not moving in that guy you were macking on last night.
fuckingitup: (Growl)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-10 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
...Billy!

[He crosses his arms across his chest. Except he's still holding the thrashing dinosaur, so he just feeds his hand to Deathbringer, instead.]

OW - fuck - see! This is what I meant!

You can't live with the guy you think is hot a week after you meet him! I'm literally me, and you're making me feel like my mom, Jesus. Even I wouldn't do that.
fuckingitup: (Impatient)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-10 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
...I'm the same as the guy you have a crush on you've known for 14 days.

[The tone of voice is deadpan rather than angry or anything like that.]

And what do you mean, what do you mean this is what I meant. I meant this is what I meant. You need a dad.

[Yes Cliff is a dad of 2 now.]

OK, not really, but -- are you for serious telling me you think it's a good idea to room with the dude you want to kiss after two weeks? 'Cause I've never even seen that in those bad romcoms about people fucking up relationships real bad. Like, this is straight-up bad decisions bear with a billboard.
fuckingitup: (Whatever)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-10 05:11 am (UTC)(link)
[Cliff just half-rolls his eyes so Billy can see the whites until he confesses his own feelings to himself.]

Yeah. Maybe it is.

And that's the bad idea. If you wanna. Make something work. [Cliff does something vague with his hands which is completely uninterpretable, but could possibly be an allusion to sex or could possibly just be waving.] You gotta think about the other thing, too. You actually like him, dude. I'm not fucking psychic, but I'm just gonna, you know, do that thing where I throw your words back in your face.

'Kisses are intimate.'

I don't gotta tell you the stuff that runs through my head. And the stuff that runs through yours. And his. We're fucking sixt -- seventeen.

[He's not gonna elaborate.]

I'm just wor -- ew. No. Gross. Fuck. I'm not saying the Mom word.

OK, whatevs, I don't actually care besides that if he makes you cry, I'm taking off his kneecaps.
fuckingitup: (Unsure)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-10 05:57 am (UTC)(link)
[Unusually enough, this time, Billy doesn't quite have the right of it. Of course, the conversation is intense enough that the mental components might be a bit much to process simultaneously, but Cliff's hand motions had more or less accurately indicated what he meant. Both. Sex and relationships, in his mind, were intertwined enough that both merited a certain amount of healthy awareness.

Still, that's not the important bit. His eyebrow shoots up as Billy chooses to respond to the joke portion first. (...Well, not a joke, he would absolutely take off his kneecaps.) Whether or not the other boy realizes it, it betrays something of which Cliff is becoming increasingly convinced.

He likes this boy quite a bit.

At the confession, Cliff goes still for a moment, leaving Deathbringer continuing to gnaw off Cliff's arm as the only movement in the room, which he should probably seek medical attention for at a later point. Fortunately, his hoodie is currently in the way.]


...Yeah.

[He sort of figured. He hadn't put two and two together until late last night. But it was hard not to notice that night after the No Good Very Bad Stupid Sex Party, a completely unfamiliar human scent lingering in the upstairs portion of the house. At the time, he had barely cared, after his overall harrowing experience. He certainly hadn't thought to ever ask about it. Billy was allowed to have visitors. But after the conversation at Billy's holiday party...]

OK. You can.

I just don't think you're thinking enough about helping yourself.
fuckingitup: (Uncomfortable)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-10 06:35 am (UTC)(link)
[At this, Cliff sighs heavily and groans.]

That's 'cause you're like, a fucking saint. And don't even try to say anything; we're only friends because you're a fucking saint. ...OK, like, all versions of you. I mean, honestly, this version of you, too, who goes 'OK crazy wolf guy someone else made friends with we can keep the same relationship.'

A normal person would want to give a relationship the best chance possible. Like, you know, have cute-ass fucking dates and get to fall in love or whatever, not move the guy in.

[It's not that it was doomed to failure. It just seemed to open the possibility pretty wide.]

...I mean, I think. Not that I've ever done this shit.

Also, let's be real. I live here, too. That's like, a minus 500 penalty to this whole thing.
fuckingitup: (Satisfaction)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-11 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
Can you stop a dog from chasing its own tail? No. Can you stop Cliff from interrogating your boyfriend? Also no.

[Cliff shakes his head somberly, knowing full well the heavy burden that is upon him of being Billy's self-assigned wingman/vetman/whatever.]

But I'll go easy. I'll use the abridged questionnaire. [This suggests Cliff has made preparations for this day in advance.] And I'll give him 24 hours to settle in.

[It's odd because this is also behavior guaranteed to alienate a possible relationship but Cliff is a Complex Man with Complex Feelings. Also he's probably teasing. A little.]

What's his name, anyway?
fuckingitup: (Default)

[personal profile] fuckingitup 2025-12-11 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
Billy's special friend. Got it.

[What is life as Cliff if he doesn't make Billy roll his eyes and want to punch him once a while.]

OK, OK... I was gonna ask him 'why aren't you good enough for Billy,' anyway. Hey, don't stress. Maybe we'll get along so well he'll forget you and totally fall in love with me.

It's not like it hasn't happened before.

[If Billy actually punches him now, he probably deserves it. That said, he's already receiving physical suffering in the form of one increasingly antsy T. Rex, and he starts to edge back towards the door.]

When's he coming? Do I need to act natural. Like look up and be like, 'yo dude I didn't know anyone was coming come and hang chillax.'

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